Positive And Negative

Band 6+: Computers have made it possible for office workers to work remotely instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, computers have made life easy for office workers, and they can work remotely without travelling so far. I believe that this trend is a positive development because workers can set boundaries between work life and family. Besides this, it is largely advantageous for employers as well. This essay will discuss briefly why it is a positive development.

To begin with, one of the main advantages of working remotely is that employees whose jobs depend on computers can save a significant amount of money. To clarify, employees could save fuel and time by working remotely. For instance, many workers live far from their working location, and they need to daily commute to the office, which requires time and fuel. In addition, employees can spend more quality time with their families and friends. Therefore, computers have had a positive impact on employees.

Although this development is beneficial for employers too. Firstly, they can save a huge amount of money from reducing office space. For instance, there are hundreds or even thousands of employees working in a corporate company, and it requires a large office space. Yet, by giving a chance to workers to work remotely, an organization can save from building and its maintenance costs. However, it’s also believed that workers lose some productivity after receiving comfort. They disconnect from human interaction and become isolated. Although the benefits of remote working outweigh its drawbacks.

In conclusion, working from home is a positive development. Although I believe that frequent office work or a hybrid environment can improve productivity and workplace relationships, it is also useful for maintaining private and professional lives.

Word Count: 271

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

working: 6

office: 5

workers: 5

remotely: 4

positive: 4

employees: 4

computers: 3

development: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that remote work is a positive development. The ideas are relevant, and the writer provides supporting examples for both employees and employers. However, the development of ideas could be more cohesive and precise. For instance, the third paragraph begins with a sentence fragment ('Although this development is beneficial for employers too') and transitions into a counter-argument about productivity without fully integrating it into the main argument. To improve, ensure that every sentence is grammatically complete and that transitions between benefits and drawbacks are smoother. Additionally, expanding on the 'why' and 'how' - such as explaining how saving money on fuel specifically leads to a better work-life balance - would help move the essay toward a higher band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are significant issues with sentence-level cohesion. Specifically, you have used several 'fragment sentences' - sentences that start with subordinating conjunctions like 'Although' but are not attached to a main clause (e.g., 'Although this development is beneficial for employers too.' and 'Although the benefits of remote working outweigh its drawbacks.'). To improve, ensure that 'Although' clauses are integrated into complete sentences. Additionally, use a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly between sentences.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate and generally accurate. You successfully used terms like 'significant amount,' 'daily commute,' 'corporate company,' and 'maintenance costs.' To reach a higher band, try to avoid repetitive phrasing (e.g., using 'save a huge amount of money' and 'save a significant amount of money' in close proximity) and incorporate more sophisticated, less common lexical items to describe the nuances of remote work and professional environments. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You demonstrate a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are present. The most prominent issue is the misuse of subordinating conjunctions, which leads to sentence fragments. There are also minor errors in phrasing, such as 'save from building and its maintenance costs,' which would be more naturally expressed as 'save on construction and maintenance costs.' Focus on mastering complex sentence structures to ensure that every dependent clause is correctly attached to an independent clause.

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