Opinion

Band 6+: Giving detailed descriptions of crimes in newspapers and on TV can have negative consequences, so it should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that, giving the original scenes of crimes in newspapers and on TV could have bad consequences, so it should be banned. I strongly agree that, the crime scenes should not be published in newspapers or broadcast on TVs.

One of the main reasons why they should not be published is the young children may be negatively influenced. By exposing constantly these types of criminal activities, they could see it as a normal part of their lives and they may imitate criminals’ behaviors. As a consequence they may go down the wrong path and get involved in criminal activities, such as terrorism and drug dealing. It is also worth noting that the criminals can threaten citizens by using violence, such as guns in the public places or taking people as human shields.

Another significant concern is that newspapers and TV programs are sharing deeply detailed information to the public. Consequently it can benefit criminals. If they notice that their criminal plans revealed to the media, they can learn about what police know about their criminal activities and change their plans, so it would be extremely difficult for police to find out. Additionally, public safety would be a big problem. When criminals find out about the victims, they can achieve their goals more efficiently than before. Therefore, restrictions are reasonable, for these reasons the media should avoid giving much detailed information. They can give information without much sensitive details.

In conclusion, I totally agree with not giving much detailed information to the public. Unless, it can be used against our benefits.

Word Count: 262

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

should: 4

criminal: 4

public: 4

information: 4

giving: 3

newspapers: 3

activities: 3

criminals: 3

detailed: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position of agreement. The main ideas are relevant and supported with some development. However, there are a few lapses in focus and precision. For example, the first body paragraph introduces a point about criminals threatening citizens that is not fully developed or clearly linked to the main argument. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could be more decisive. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all supporting details directly reinforce the main argument. Also, refine the conclusion to succinctly restate your position and summarize your key points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and there is some use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'One of the main reasons', 'Another significant concern', 'Therefore'). However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and abrupt transitions. For example, the sentence 'It is also worth noting that the criminals can threaten citizens...' seems out of place in the first body paragraph, as it introduces a new idea without clear connection to the previous point. The conclusion is brief and could be more effective in summarizing the arguments. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within it support that idea. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'criminal activities', 'imitate criminals' behaviors', 'human shields', 'sensitive details'). There are attempts at more sophisticated expressions, such as 'go down the wrong path' and 'achieve their goals more efficiently'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward word choices, such as 'giving the original scenes' (should be 'describing crimes in detail') and 'against our benefits' (should be 'against our interests' or 'to our detriment'). The phrase 'sharing deeply detailed information' is slightly unnatural. To improve, focus on using precise and natural collocations, and avoid direct translations from your native language. Expand your vocabulary to include more topic-specific terms and synonyms. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with some accurate use of subordinate clauses (e.g., 'By exposing constantly these types of criminal activities, they could see it as a normal part of their lives'). However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For example, 'giving the original scenes' is incorrect; 'the young children may be negatively influenced' should be 'young children may be negatively influenced' (remove 'the'); 'By exposing constantly' should be 'By constantly exposing'; 'they can learn about what police know' is acceptable but could be more concise. The final sentence 'Unless, it can be used against our benefits' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. To improve, proofread carefully to eliminate errors, and practice using a wider range of grammatical structures with accuracy. Pay attention to article usage, prepositions, and sentence clarity.

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