Opinion

Band 4+: Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

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As one of the biggest threats for the human being in the 21st Century, Global warming affect the sea levels rising at alarming rates. There are some reasons regarding this issue and solutions needed in order to solve the problem.

To begin with, I want to define two problems regarding global warming. First, floods happened in lower area in some places. Second, missing residential area near to the seashores. The rising of sea level caused sea water flown to the land without any boundaries. It came to the working, business, residential, and recreational area throughout the city. Houses close to the beach had significant impact because of the rise of sea level. Similar with the way of flood happened, the missing of residential area also caused bay water coming to the land but with slower movement. In Jakarta for example, the sea level rises 2 centimeters annually, causing several slum houses near the beach drawn.

Solutions for these problems talked by the state should be; firstly, environmental solutions such as time limitation regulation for using air conditioner, established green area every 5 kilometers around the city, reduce the air pollution by apply special regulation about motor vehicles and factories. If the volume of air pollution decreased, the temperature of this earth will be back to normal, and the volume of water on the sea will be reduced.

To conclude, the global warming caused at least two problems; floods and missing housing area. The government should solve these problems by make environmental regulation in order to reduce the level of sea water.

Word Count: 261

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

level: 4

water: 4

global: 3

warming: 3

problems: 3

missing: 3

residential: 3

caused: 3

regulation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the problems associated with global warming and provides some possible solutions. However, the ideas are not fully extended and lack depth. The discussion could benefit from more elaboration and specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the position is not as clear and fully developed as it could be. It would be beneficial to present a more detailed and nuanced perspective on the issue.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is somewhat difficult to follow due to the lack of clear organization and coherence. The ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, and the paragraphing could be improved for better structure. Additionally, there are some issues with cohesion, as the connections between ideas are not always seamless. Using cohesive devices and structuring the essay more logically would enhance the overall coherence and cohesion.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a range of vocabulary, but there are inaccuracies and awkward phrasing throughout. Additionally, there is a need for more precise and appropriate word choices to convey the intended meaning effectively. Expanding the vocabulary and refining the use of lexical features would elevate the lexical resource to a higher level.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

While there is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation. The essay would benefit from more accurate and sophisticated use of grammar and punctuation. Proofreading for errors and refining the grammatical range and accuracy would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

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