Opinion

Band 6+: Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support proffesional sports and art events . Do you agree or disagree?

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Government funds are expected to be utilized to assist children in school for the sports sector instead of helping professional sports and arts that are conducted for ordinary people. I largely agree with this statement as it improves children’s health and benefits a large section of society.

To begin with, one of the primary reasons why I agree with this view is that it develops children’s health. When children are provided with enough facilities, they would have a chance to play every student in school. If they do sports regularly, they would reduce obesity and inactivity. As a result, they can develop healthy lifelong habits. For example, schools can provide playgrounds and sports equipment. This clearly demonstrates that in school, government money ought to be used for sports rather than professional sports and arts.

Furthermore, another significant point to consider is that using government funds in school benefits a large section of society. Not only does this give equal opportunities to all children, allowing poor students in sports without paying high fees, but it also fosters students’ involvement in every sport, resulting in finding some talented players who could be national players. For instance, by organizing district or sub-district sporting competitions, such as cricket and football, which are enjoyed by all walks of life, authorities may find the best possible national players. Admittedly, professional sports and arts that perform for the general public are provided government money to help them because they entertain all ordinary people and help them to relieve. This argument is not entirely convincing as through sporting events where school children may take part in, the general people can delight in watching their sports events, such as cricket and football matches.In reality, professional sports and arts already generate money from tickets and sponsorships. If school authorities can spend sufficient money on sports, they are able to build a healthy nation and students may gain mental well being.

In conclusion, although school sports should receive greater funding, limited support for professional sports and arts may continue.

Word Count: 338

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sports: 13

school: 7

professional: 5

government: 4

children: 4

money: 4

people: 3

players: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position throughout the response. The writer successfully explores the benefits of funding school sports (health and talent identification) and provides a counter-argument regarding professional sports and arts. However, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, the connection between school sports and the 'general public' in the second body paragraph is a bit stretched and could be more logically articulated. To improve, ensure that each supporting point is more tightly linked to the core argument and avoid slightly repetitive phrasing. Additionally, expanding more on why the arts specifically should receive less funding compared to school sports would provide a more balanced and comprehensive response to the prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that address specific points, and a conclusion. You use cohesive devices like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'Admittedly' effectively to guide the reader. However, some transitions within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the transition between the benefits of school sports and the rebuttal regarding professional sports is a bit abrupt. To improve, ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next by using more sophisticated linking phrases that show the relationship between ideas (e.g., 'While it is true that... it is also important to consider...').

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'obesity and inactivity', 'fosters students' involvement', and 'all walks of life'. There is enough variety to avoid excessive repetition. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing or imprecise word choices, such as 'play every student in school' (which is unclear) and 'help them to relieve' (which should be 'help them to relieve stress'). Aim for more natural collocations and ensure that your word choices precisely convey your intended meaning. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

You use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is good. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally hinder the flow. For example, 'allowing poor students in sports without paying high fees' is a fragment/awkwardly phrased, and 'professional sports and arts... are provided government money' would be better expressed in the active voice or with a more precise passive construction. Additionally, watch out for minor errors in preposition usage and sentence completeness. Increasing your control over complex structures and proofreading for subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity will help raise this score.

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