Discussion

Band 5+: In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and the sense of community is lost. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.

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It is certainly true that nowadays our society lost the sense of community, and communicating with neighbours became unnecessary. In this essay i am gonna discuss causes and suggest possibles opportunities to solve this problem.

The main reasons of weak connection between people in real life are gadgets and increasing addiction to the internet between people. People nowadays prefer to spend time scrolling online all day to meeting new people and socializing, because their brain got used to it and do not want to get out of familiar and comfortable conditions. Another reasons may be rising number of social anxiety in people, caused by toxic social media community.

As a solution to this problem i would definitely recommend to organize neighbours gatherings every month. And there should be leaders of a neighbourhood to arrange these events. And due to a big usage of social media,leaders can create an online group for members of the residence to chat with each other and discuss their needs and ideas together with the leaders.

To conclude, it is best to create meetings with activities for neighbours to get to know each other, and if that idea and the promblem itself will be spread online , there will be more hope that the sense of the community will not disappear.

Word Count: 215

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

neighbours: 3

online: 3

social: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the ideas lack clarity and could benefit from further development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the suggested solutions. Additionally, ensure a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs and transitions. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a generally clear position, but the organization could be improved for better flow. The introduction could be more concise, directly addressing the essay's purpose. In the body paragraphs, transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, when moving from the causes to the solutions, a clearer transition would enhance the coherence. The conclusion summarizes the main points, but could be strengthened by reiterating the significance of the solutions proposed. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the impact. For example, instead of 'weak connection,' consider using 'tenuous relationships' or 'frayed bonds.' While the vocabulary is generally appropriate, expanding the range and using more sophisticated terms would elevate the essay. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that words are used in their correct context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and occasionally impede understanding. Errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence construction are present. For example, 'Another reasons may be' should be 'Another reason may be.' While a variety of structures are attempted, accuracy needs improvement. Focus on proofreading to minimize grammatical errors and ensure that sentences are clear and grammatically sound.

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