Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Migration for work has been debated in recent years. While it can be beneficial, I believe that it is harmful to people.

It is true that moving away from their relatives for work has advantages. The main one is better career opportunities. Abroad, offices or workplaces offer high paying jobs and high salaries. The second one is an increase in selfconfidence and independence. People who migrate for work have to learn to solved their problems and make decisions on their own; in short, they take responsibility.

On the other hand, migrating for work has some drawbacks. One of the most significant disadvantagesis poor relationship between family members. If people go abroad for a long time, they may feel emotionally alone, therefore it can lead to weak family relationships. Another disadvantage is forgetting traditions. Losing or forgetting cultural traditions can be caused by becoming used to another culture and tradition.

In conclusion, moving away from family for work has some advantages and disadvantages, but its drawbacks outweigh its benefits.

Word Count: 168

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 3

family: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, consider providing more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. Also, ensure a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages with equal depth. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally coherent and presents a clear argument. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, in the second paragraph, you could add a sentence summarizing the main points before elaborating on them. In the third paragraph, the connection between feeling emotionally alone and weak family relationships could be more explicitly stated.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of range and precision. Try to incorporate more specific and nuanced vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately. For instance, instead of 'high paying jobs and high salaries,' you could use more descriptive phrases like 'lucrative employment opportunities' or 'competitive remuneration packages.' Also, consider using synonyms to avoid repetition of words like 'advantages' and 'disadvantages.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are some errors that affect clarity. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'solved their problems' should be 'solve their problems,' and 'disadvantagesis' should be 'disadvantage is.' Review your work carefully to identify and correct these errors. Also, try to incorporate a wider range of sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

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