Cause And Solution

Band 6+: In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoor. what do you think are the causes of this problem? what measures could best be taken to solve it?

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Across the planet, it has been noticed that young generations prefer to stay at home. In this essay I will discuss which, for me, are the main causes and possible solutions. In my opinion, this attitude has been enhanced by Covid pandemic and social media development, but it is not as negative as we could think.

Globally, mass media like Instagram or TikTok reduced the personal interactions among people, and expecially among kids and teenagers. Besides this, the pandemic strongly contributed and worsened this situation. During this terrible period, people were obligated to stay at home. Obviously, after that were less likely to go out because they took the habits of staying indoor. However, many other young citizens felt the need of escaping from home’s walls and spend as more time outside as possiblle.

On the other hand, people can discover and develop new passions. During Covid pandemic many young online streamers became populat on the web. Their job is playing videogames, or just chatting, while many other people watch and interact with him using a live chat. This is the explaination of how staying at home can be an opportunity to start or to do something new that you have never considered.

Finally, I believe that spend time indoors should not be viewed as a negative attidute and it must not required to be solved. From my point of view, the most important thing is to leave enough space to creativity, and, even at home, new generations can use this time wisely.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

young: 3

pandemic: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing the causes and solutions to children and teenagers spending more time indoors. A position is presented, but the ideas lack clarity and depth. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a clearer focus on solutions. To improve, provide more concrete measures to solve the problem, rather than just stating that it shouldn't be viewed negatively.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between them could be clearer. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the thesis statement could be more focused. Transitions between paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, and the overall flow of ideas could be improved for better coherence. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and natural. Some phrases are slightly awkward or could be expressed more idiomatically. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using synonyms to avoid repetition. Pay attention to collocations and the natural usage of words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are present. To enhance grammatical accuracy, review basic grammar rules and proofread carefully for errors. Practice using a wider range of sentence structures accurately.

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