Opinion

Band 5+: In modern times social media addiction is wecking havoc on lives of people.what is the cause of this problem and how will you tackle this?

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In recent times internet has entered in peoples lives like the lifetime serious illness. In modern generation, social media is hampering the daily routine of individuals. This essay will highlight the principal causes of this issue and possible solutions to resolve them.

In essence, the principal cause of the internet obsession is monetization of different social platforms like youtube, facebook, tiktok and so on. Nowadays, many people wants to be influencer because of monetization and products they receive for the review. They are running behind the money and free samples but they are wasting time of their life. But this problem can be minimized by organizing different awareness programmes about time management. Moreover, this can also be minimized by imposing restrictions or completely blocking addictive platforms.

Another, significant cause of addiction towards interactive media can be popularity or fame. In recent days, many youngstars wants ti be known by everybody. They want to be hyped. This may hamper their studies by being fully focused on these addictive contents. People wouldnot be able to balance their work, education, and their addiction towards internet. So, this can be solved by tracking how much time people spend on social media and also by focusing on real life rather than virtual life.

To conclude, although people are being more addict to internet, such challanges can be resolved with proper planning and tracking apps. I would advice to minimize the use of internet, and if one can do that and start living social media free life then you willl free more fresher and productive than ever.

Word Count: 261

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

internet: 5

social: 4

media: 4

people: 4

their: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt (causes and solutions), and a position is present throughout the text. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the connection between monetization and addiction is mentioned, but the explanation of how this leads to widespread addiction in the general population (rather than just influencers) is not fully explored. Additionally, the solutions are sometimes presented abruptly within the same paragraph as the causes, which can disrupt the logical flow of the argument. To improve, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on one main idea: one paragraph for causes and one for solutions, or if you combine them, ensure the transition between the problem and the solution is more sophisticated. Aim to extend your ideas by explaining the 'why' and 'how' in more detail. For example, instead of just stating that people want fame, explain how the dopamine hit from 'likes' creates a cycle of addiction. Finally, work on grammatical precision and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is sometimes abrupt. For instance, in the second paragraph, you jump from discussing the cause (monetization) directly to solutions (awareness programs) without a smooth transition. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Consequently,' 'As a result,' or 'To address this issue') to link causes to their respective solutions. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and develops it logically.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the basic meaning, but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher bands. There are several instances of informal or imprecise phrasing, such as 'running behind the money,' 'youngstars,' and 'being hyped.' Additionally, there are spelling errors like 'ti' and 'willl.' To improve, aim to use more academic collocations (e.g., 'driven by financial incentives' instead of 'running behind the money') and ensure you proofread to eliminate typographical errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'many people wants'), article usage (e.g., 'internet has entered in peoples lives'), and sentence structure. There is also a mix of informal and incorrect phrasing (e.g., 'more addict to internet'). To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules such as singular/plural agreement and the correct use of articles (the/a/an). Try to incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures while maintaining accuracy.

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