Positive And Negative

Band 5+: In the past, everyone wore clothes according to their culture but now people wear similar clothes all around the world. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Because of restrictions in many countries, the way people dress has changed. As a result of this, people start to look similar. I believe that it is a negative development because people are not able to express their personality through clothes.

One of the main reasons why people dress similar is that there are restrictions in many countries. In other words, in some countries such as Afganistan women are restricted to wear clothes that they like because of religion factors. For example, many women are not able to dress freely due to the fact that many of them are enforced to wear a hijab, which can be detrimental to their well-being. Therefore, they are not allowed to take it off so that they cannot express their individuality through the style whenever they want.

I see it as a negative development when people are not able to be stylish and have personal style. For instance, people who have their individuality are more likely to find their passion and open up in different ways. Thus, it encourages their personal development and to be expressive in various fields. To conclude, it seems to me as an adverse development when women face challenges with limitations to make personal choices. Furthermore, their mental health are affected by prohibits, which can influence their future life.

In conclusion, as a result of religion restrictions the way females dress has changed. Although it is their personal choice and beliefs that should not be judged, I am of the opinion that it has a negative development which may impact on a personal expression and mental health.

Word Count: 267

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 9

people: 6

development: 5

personal: 5

dress: 4

because: 3

restrictions: 3

countries: 3

negative: 3

women: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt but only partially. It focuses on restrictions in some countries as a reason for similar dressing, which is a narrow interpretation of the question. The position is clear (negative development), but the development is limited and lacks depth. The main ideas are relevant but not sufficiently extended or supported with a range of examples. There is some repetition and the conclusion is somewhat repetitive. To improve, consider discussing broader reasons for global similarity in dress (e.g., globalization, media influence, fast fashion) and provide a more balanced discussion of positive and negative aspects before stating your position. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops the idea with specific examples and analysis.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and repetitive phrasing. For example, the second paragraph introduces restrictions as a reason, but the connection to the overall argument could be smoother. The conclusion repeats points without synthesizing them effectively. To improve, use cohesive devices more naturally and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that links back to the question.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary (e.g., 'restrictions', 'express individuality', 'detrimental to their well-being'), but there are instances of repetition and limited range. Phrases like 'personal expression' and 'negative development' are used multiple times. To enhance lexical resource, incorporate synonyms and more precise terms. For example, instead of 'negative development', consider 'adverse trend' or 'undesirable shift'. Also, avoid informal phrasing like 'open up in different ways' and use more academic expressions. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. For instance, 'their mental health are affected' should be 'their mental health is affected', and 'prohibits' should be 'prohibitions'. Also, 'enforced to wear a hijab' could be 'forced to wear a hijab'. Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences are run-ons. To improve, proofread for subject-verb agreement, use correct word forms, and vary sentence structures to include complex and compound sentences.

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