Opinion

Band 5+: internet enhances social connection or increases isolation from social life.

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In today’s digital divide, there is debates about whether the internet enhances social connection or increases isolation from social life. While others think about virtual communication is replacing real friendship or relationship, others believe that online talking is connect individuals from long-distance. This essay will discuss both views of technology, the advantages and disandvantages like isolation from social life

Online communication foster new forms of interaction that helps people to discuss something from staying at their house. Some people are disabled so they just can’t communicate with each other like normal humans , the internet enables disable people to communicate with humans. It is widely believed that talking on social media can reduce quality time with family and friends , but here is we have also advantage of talking online; for example, it is useful for shy humans, they can stay in touch with distant friends and relatives, and they can provide support online from some scientists which are the best of their work. Of course social media helps people maintain well-established relationships. In addition, online communication allows individuals to stay in touch with everyone who humans actually need in long-distance.

On the other hand, online communication can increase feelings of loneliness or depression. When peole become alone they may think about to build some friendship feelings with someone. The young generation spend their time on their phone or just on social media with communicating with someone who they never ever met in real life , so they start to become more lazier than in the past when there isn’t any technology like phone or compyuter.However, is supercific communication, humans can feel themselves connected but in real life they will socially isolated. As a result, people feel weakened social bonds when they talk to someone face to face. Nowadays the younger generation is also screen-depended for talking to their friends , but they waste their childhood period worsly.

In conclusion, online communicating become widely spreated around the world, but we should have conversations in real life because it increases our fluency and communication skills. Communication on social media can be useful for some people with illness or just for the shy humans. While online communication may still be necessary for people in long-distance to be connected or have bonds with someone. Reduce using social media or technology can help people stay active in real life and have quality time with their parents or just wiith their friends. The young generation, instead of spenfing time on their screen they can actually play outdoor games with their neighbours.

Word Count: 426

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

social: 9

communication: 8

people: 8

online: 6

humans: 6

media: 5

talking: 4

friends: 4

someone: 4

about: 3

technology: 3

become: 3

generation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that while the internet offers benefits for specific groups (the disabled, shy individuals, or those in long-distance relationships), it carries significant risks of isolation and superficiality for the younger generation. However, the development of ideas is somewhat inconsistent. Some points, such as the mention of 'scientists' in the first body paragraph, feel slightly tangential to the core argument of social connection. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Idea Development**: Ensure every example directly supports the main point of the paragraph. Avoid introducing new, unrelated concepts (like scientists) when discussing social connection. 2. **Cohesion and Logic**: Some arguments are a bit circular. For instance, in the second body paragraph, the connection between being 'lazy' and 'social isolation' could be more logically explained to show how one leads to the other. 3. **Precision of Language**: While this task focuses on Task Response, improving the clarity of your arguments will help your score. Avoid vague terms like 'shy humans' or 'worsly' and instead use more academic phrasing such as 'introverted individuals' or 'detrimentally.' 4. **Structure**: Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main arguments more concisely without introducing new advice (like playing outdoor games) that wasn't deeply explored in the body paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to awkward phrasing and logical leaps. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are linked using a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'In contrast'). Some sentences are overly long and run-on, which disrupts the flow of reading.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey basic meaning, but there is frequent repetition and several instances of imprecise word choices (e.g., 'shy humans', 'lazy humans', 'worsly', 'spreated'). There are also several spelling errors ('disandvantages', 'peole', 'compyuter', 'supercific', 'spenfing'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more academic and precise collocations. Instead of 'shy humans', consider 'introverted individuals'; instead of 'talking online', use 'digital interaction' or 'virtual communication'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'there is debates', 'online communication foster'), sentence structure (e.g., 'While others think about virtual communication is replacing...'), and word forms (e.g., 'more lazier', 'screen-depended'). There is an attempt at complex sentences, but they often lack the necessary control to be accurate. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct verb tenses, and the proper use of relative clauses before attempting more complex grammatical forms.

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