Opinion

Band 4+: It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

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It is considered by some people that, youth should do voluntary works for some specific period. While there are some drawbacks of this suggestion, I believe the merits outweigh the demerits.

There are a number of benefits of volunteering in our society. Actually, government workers are sometimes not able to assist an enormous number of population who need help urgently. Local young volunteer might be very effective solution in that case, if they work together with government authorities. Secondly, children can learn their duty on the society by this great work and it may helpful for them in future to be a part of the community. Furthermore, it could be an effective way to boost their leadership traits, team work capabilities, and communication skills.

Despite the benefits mentioned above, unpaid voluntary work has some drawbacks too. To begin with, doing unpaid job may results debt in the end. For example, students who are not financially established could struggle financially for having no income. In addition, if the unpaid job is out of their course-related field, it can waste their times rather than enhance their skills.

In conclusion, although there are some negative outcome of voluntary job, I would argue that it could implement in our society for improvement of the zealous youth in a long run.

Word Count: 216

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

voluntary: 3

society: 3

could: 3

unpaid: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, ensure each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked to the question of whether the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Providing more specific examples would also strengthen your arguments. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and sentences more effectively. Paragraphing is generally adequate, but could be improved to better reflect the development of arguments.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary. There are instances of inaccurate word choice and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to enhance the naturalness of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors impede clarity and affect the overall quality of the writing. Work on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and practice constructing more complex sentences accurately. Proofreading carefully is essential.

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