Opinion

Band 6+: It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

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In this contemporary epoch, while some opponents believe adolescents, youth, employers and retired workers should have a hobby at their leisure time, other proponents have a diverse perspective. Therefore, I am a staunch believer that practicing hobbies can help people get rid of their strain of life and work and strength mental health.

In the beginning, engaging in hobbies can be significantly useful in reducing the stress of workload. To illustrate, when many people do their popular activities, they become be able to concentrate on their practical life in a healthy way without any distractions. According to The a Guardian article, playing football and basketball helps a plethora of youth and young people keep fit and generate innovate ideas properly. Consequently, these practices are beneficial on the psychological side.

In addition, doing hobbies improves people’s health. To illustrate, when some individuals practice a particular interest, they can recharge the energy of their spirit and bodies again. For example, the ministry of health says sports have a lot of positive effects on muscles ,brain, lungs and breath when people do it at their free time. As a result, it rises the efficiency and creativity of problem solving and critical thinking later on.

In conclusion, After this essay has revealed the points mentioned above, what can be said is that hobbies can avoid the majority of people from any kind pressure of life and human diseases. Hance, I am of the belief that these activities lower the risk of heart attacks and mental stress issues.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 6

people: 5

hobbies: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but the development of these ideas could be more precise and focused. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and directly linked back to the main argument. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a generally clear progression of ideas, but the connections between some sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and the essay could benefit from more explicit signposting to guide the reader. For instance, in the second paragraph, the link between 'concentrate on their practical life' and 'The a Guardian article' could be clearer. Similarly, in the third paragraph, the transition from 'recharge the energy of their spirit and bodies' to the example from the ministry of health could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your writing.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing. For example, 'strain of life and work' could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated and nuanced language to elevate the essay. Focus on using synonyms and idiomatic expressions accurately to enhance the impact of your writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and awkward phrasing occasionally impede clarity. For instance, 'when many people do their popular activities, they become be able to concentrate' contains a redundant 'be'. Similarly, 'rises the efficiency' should be 'raises the efficiency'. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense formation. Proofreading carefully for these errors will improve the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.

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