Opinion

Band 5+: It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

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I absolutely agree that everyone should have hobbies, at any stage of their life. As “hobby”. I consider any activities tha someone do for pleasure purposes only. For example, children and young adults have their time at school, they do different sorts of activities, but they have a educational purpose.

Children and young adults should be able to get home and do something only for fun. Even when the activity involves learning something, when it’s a hobby, there’s no pressure, no stress, only the fact that theyre doing what they enjoy, for fun. Such as playing an instrument, or only listening to music, playing outdoors with friends. painting, playing sports, etc. A hobby can involve commitment, or not. In my case, I used to play with friends on the street when I was a kid. This was my hobby. As I was growing up, I started to listen to music and play guitar and found myself enjoying other hobbies.

The same applies for retired people. They should all have hobbies in their lifes. After so many years spent mostly working, it’s great for them having some activities to focus on. But, again, no pressure involved. Retired people usually have more free time to spend doing what they actually enjoy, so, if they have the chance, the should accumulate as many hobbies as they can and relax during retirement.

People then might find easy to say that kids, teenagers and retired people should have hobbies, since they usually have more free time. But what about working people? Yes, they definitely should have hobbies, and I would say that they need those.

Bring a working person nowadays it’s not easy. People spend several hours at work. on the way to work, on the way back home, taking care of their family, cleaning their houses, doing shopping, cooking the next day’s lunch, etc. They’re plenty of tasks that can’t be skipped, so, when do these people enjoy themselves and do something for fun? It’s important to have this in mind and value any free time doing any sort of hobby that make them feel relaxed, instead of productive. Working people are the ones who mostly need a hobby, so they can enjoy life as it should be enjoyed, with no pressure, deadlines or bosses. Just doing something because it makes them feel good.

Word Count: 390

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 7

people: 6

hobbies: 5

their: 5

hobby: 5

doing: 5

something: 4

enjoy: 4

working: 4

activities: 3

pressure: 3

playing: 3

retired: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear, consistent position throughout the response. The writer successfully categorizes the different groups mentioned in the topic (children/young adults, retired people, and working people) and provides relevant reasoning for each. The distinction made regarding working people - that they perhaps need hobbies the most due to high stress - is a well-developed point. To improve and move toward a higher band score, focus on the following: 1. **Idea Development and Precision**: While the ideas are relevant, some sections could be more deeply explored. For example, instead of just stating that retired people should have hobbies to relax, you could explain *how* this benefits them (e.g., mental stimulation to prevent cognitive decline or social connection to prevent loneliness). 2. **Cohesion and Coherence**: Some transitions between ideas are a bit abrupt. Using more sophisticated linking words and cohesive devices would help the flow of the argument. 3. **Grammatical Accuracy and Lexical Resource**: There are several minor grammatical errors (e.g., "tha someone do," "theyre," "the should," "Bring a working person nowadays it's not easy") and punctuation slips. Improving sentence structure and expanding your vocabulary to avoid repetitive phrasing (like using "doing something for fun" multiple times) will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical progression, addressing different age groups as requested by the prompt. However, the cohesion is occasionally disrupted by sentence fragments and abrupt transitions. For instance, the sentence starting with 'Such as playing an instrument...' is a fragment and should be integrated into the previous sentence. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices (linking words) to connect ideas more smoothly and ensure that every sentence is a complete thought rather than a list of examples.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and allows the reader to understand the writer's points clearly. However, there is some repetition of basic words like 'fun,' 'hobby,' and 'people.' To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms (e.g., 'leisure pursuits' instead of 'hobbies,' or 'occupational responsibilities' instead of 'tasks') and use more precise collocations. Be careful with spelling and word forms, such as 'lifes' instead of 'lives'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that impact the flow of the essay. These include subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'activities tha someone do'), punctuation errors (e.g., 'As "hobby".'), and the use of sentence fragments. There are also issues with word choice in grammatical structures, such as 'Bring a working person nowadays it's not easy' instead of 'Being a working person nowadays is not easy.' To improve, practice using complex sentence structures (subordinate clauses) and focus on the accuracy of basic sentence construction and punctuation.

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Band 5+: It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What's your opinion about this?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What’s your opinion about this?

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What’s your opinion about this?

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What’s your opinion about this?

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby. What’s your opinion about this?

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More and more people buy a wide range of household goods such as television, microwave oven and rice cooker. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their hometown. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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