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Band 6+: Low physical activity People do less physical exercise than before. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage more exercise?

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In recent years the level of physical activeness among people has declined considerably. This is primarily driven by the changes in work, lifestyles and urbanization. I believe, by creating the most effective strategies with social support, accessible environments and motivational tools individuals can be encouraged to exercise more.

One of the main reasons for the decline in exercising is the sedentary jobs and lifestyles. More people work in offices or remote settings and spend a lot of time sitting. Moreover, smartphones, computers and streaming services reduce the need for the physical movement. Another key factor is the urbanization. Cities are built around cars, exceeding reliance on cars most of the time instead of walking or cycling. Additionally, there is the scarcity of safe parks and recreational facilities in many urban areas, making it difficult for people to find spots for exercising and increasing health risks because of lack of physical activity.

There are several ways to make people take initiative to exercise. Firstly, setting goals should be the top priority as without a purpose even one step can not be taken. This practice should be started small by taking stairs instead of elevators, walking short distances instead of taking transportations or simply stretching during breaks, for example. Humans stick to exercise when it is their favorite, whether it is dancing, cycling, swimming or different sports. Exercising can also be encouraged by making it social. Practicing with friends and family or joining group classes or setting up friendly competitions can help to build consistency and motivate people to stay active.

In conclusion, the changes in daily routine and the technology are the main causes of the reduction in physical activeness and this issue can be addressed by creating accessible spots for community to exercise and encouraging active play, sports, and physical education in schools and workplaces to instill habits early.

Word Count: 309

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

physical: 5

people: 5

exercise: 4

exercising: 3

instead: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting clear reasons for declining physical activity and offering suggestions to encourage exercise. The position is clear and the main ideas are relevant. However, some supporting points lack precision and development. For example, the suggestion about setting goals is somewhat vague and could be more specific. To improve, ensure each idea is fully extended with concrete examples or evidence, and avoid overly general statements. Additionally, the conclusion could more directly summarize the key points without introducing new ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically organized, and the use of cohesive devices like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion' helps guide the reader. However, there are minor lapses in coherence, such as the abrupt shift from discussing reasons to solutions without a clear transition. The paragraphing is generally effective, but the second body paragraph could be more focused on solutions rather than mixing reasons and solutions. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use more varied linking phrases to enhance flow.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with words like 'sedentary', 'urbanization', 'recreational facilities', and 'consistency'. The language is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning. However, there are some awkward phrasings and collocation errors, such as 'exceeding reliance on cars' (should be 'excessive reliance on cars') and 'instill habits early' (acceptable but could be more natural as 'instill healthy habits early'). To achieve a higher score, aim for more natural and sophisticated lexical choices, and ensure collocations are accurate. For example, 'take initiative to exercise' could be rephrased as 'take the initiative to exercise' or 'be motivated to exercise'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Examples include: 'the level of physical activeness' (should be 'physical activity'), 'exceeding reliance on cars' (should be 'excessive reliance on cars'), 'without a purpose even one step can not be taken' (should be 'cannot be taken' or 'not a single step can be taken'), and 'taking transportations' (should be 'taking transportation'). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., 'In recent years,'). To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct word forms, and more precise phrasing. Proofreading for such errors will enhance grammatical accuracy.

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