Discussion

Band 4+: Many people think that spending a lot on weddings and celebrations is waste of money. Other think it is important for youngsters and society. Discuss both opinion.

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Majority of individuals belive that allocating large amount of funds on various occasion is unnecessary ,while others argue that is crucial for individuals and community.Both views will be discussed in this essay before drawing my attention.

One the one hand,spending capitals on various celebration brings a positive impact on human being.First of all ,this impact creates a bonding with each others when they come together.For example , we usually invite most of our close relatives while we arrange a birthday party or wedding ceremony. For this reason,people buy party dress or other neccessary things.Someone are very special person for the hosts,so they held special items for them including foods,drinks,eye catching views . As a result,host always spend a lot of capital to arrange all the items, although spending a lot of money for these items they enjoy a happiest moment,refress their mind from heavy duty their busy daylife.

On the other hand, there have to probable reason why others think that a lot of amount invest on various celebration is unnecessary. First and foremost, when a host creats a party ,they waste their savings . Such as , wedding or birthday party just only a enjoying moment to share with each others. These type occasion can’t brings their economic resourses. Another point is that ,when guests come together,sometime breaks different of things or demage the places or glasses.For my perspective,this place are full of noises which affected most of the older persons or who are not physically fit such as high pressure ,heart attack patients.

To round off, evaluting both sides I would like to opine that although brings happiness by spending a lot of savings on birthday or wedding but also have many drawbacks .Funding income on various parties totally useless because our economics become breakdown.

Word Count: 297

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

various: 4

others: 4

party: 4

their: 4

brings: 3

birthday: 3

wedding: 3

items: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt, presenting a position in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity. The first body paragraph attempts to support the view that celebrations are important, but the reasoning is vague and contains grammatical errors that obscure meaning. The second body paragraph presents counterarguments, but the points are not fully developed and include irrelevant details (e.g., noise affecting health). The conclusion states an opinion, but it is not clearly linked to the preceding discussion. To improve, focus on clearly structuring each paragraph around a single main idea, using specific examples, and ensuring that language is precise and error-free. Additionally, avoid introducing new points in the conclusion and ensure that the opinion is consistently supported throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay attempts to discuss both views and provide an opinion, but the structure is unclear and the progression of ideas is difficult to follow. Paragraphing is present but not skillfully managed, and there are lapses in coherence, such as abrupt shifts between points. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'in contrast', 'in conclusion') to guide the reader smoothly through the argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and often used inaccurately, with errors like 'allocating large amount of funds', 'creats a party', and 'economics become breakdown'. There is some attempt at range (e.g., 'bonding', 'refress their mind'), but it is not natural or sophisticated. To improve, expand your vocabulary through reading, use more precise terms (e.g., 'allocate funds' instead of 'spending capitals'), and avoid informal or incorrect phrases. Practice using synonyms and collocations correctly. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('Majority of individuals belive'), incorrect verb forms ('can't brings'), missing articles ('a lot of amount'), and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas, incorrect spacing). Sentence structures are mostly simple and repetitive, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, focus on basic grammar rules, practice writing varied sentence structures (e.g., conditional sentences, relative clauses), and proofread carefully to correct errors in tense, agreement, and punctuation.

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