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Band 6+: Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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Young generations, today, are reluctant to engage in outdoor activities, such as hiking and mountain climbing, in natural surroundings during vacations. This essay will first discuss how a sedentary lifestyle and risk factors are the main reasons for this, and then outline how education and events are useful tools for motivating youths.

A sedentary lifestyle discourages young adults to devote adequate time to outdoor activities. The young population’s daily routine schedule mainly consists of many activities like sitting in classrooms, studying, watching TV, playing video games and using social media, which form sedentary behaviour. A 2021 study of more than 1.3 million young adults found that those who lead a sedentary lifestyle are reluctant to get engaged in outdoor sports, hiking and mountain climbing. Moreover, there are considerable risks inherent in activities like hiking and mountain climbing, thereby discouraging their parents to allow them to take part in these activities. For instance, falling, altitude sickness and avalanche danger are among the most prevalent risks of such activities.

The best way to encourage the young generation is to educate young people about the benefits of involving in outdoor activities. If they are more aware of the advantages associated with hiking and mountain climbing, they might be greatly interested in the sports. Besides, schools can organize large events and competitions to promote outdoor activities. In order to win the competition, students would go mountaineering during recess, this, in turn, will reduce their screen time and eventually encourages them greatly to enjoy the natural environment.

In conclusion, youth devote less time to outdoor sports during holidays due to sedentary lifestyles and hazards associated with these sports. However, if schools educate them about the benefits and organize competitions, young people can be motivated.

Word Count: 289

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

young: 7

activities: 7

outdoor: 6

sedentary: 5

hiking: 4

mountain: 4

climbing: 4

sports: 4

during: 3

lifestyle: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on the benefits of outdoor activities and the types of events that could be organized.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and logically organizes the main points. The structure is easy to follow with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are generally smooth, but could be strengthened in some places to further enhance the flow of ideas. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating on the connection between sedentary behavior and reluctance to engage in outdoor activities could improve coherence. Also, consider varying the sentence structure to avoid repetition and improve readability.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using appropriate words and phrases related to the topic. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication and precision of word choice. For instance, instead of 'useful tools,' consider more specific and impactful alternatives. Explore synonyms and idiomatic expressions to add depth and nuance to your writing. Pay attention to collocations to ensure that words are used naturally and accurately. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. While the grammar is generally accurate, there are a few errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense usage. Review the essay carefully to identify and correct any grammatical errors. Also, focus on using a wider range of complex sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range.

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Band 6+: Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

Many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why is this the case? How can they be encouraged to go out?

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