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Band 6+: Mobile phones and the Internet could have many benefits for old people. However, this age group uses technology the least. What are the benefits for old people of using mobile phones and the Internet? How can we encourage them to use this new technology?

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In the era of globalization, modern technologies and the internet are considered to be beneficial for older people. This essay will discuss both advantages of this and how we can improve the number of using phones among older inhabitants.

On the one hand, messaging apps allow them to keep up with communication. For instance, grandparents can use WhatsApp or Telegram to talk daily with family members or friends who live abroad. In addition, social apps provide them with medical support and independence. A brilliant example of this is that they can download online doctor consultations, health-improving programs, and online banking and ticket booking apps, so they don’t need to leave home regularly.

On the other hand, family support can lead them to use the least-used technologies and the Internet. A prime example of this is that children should teach parents patiently and practice together frequently whenever they have leisure time to do so. Moreover, they can participate in free training courses. For instance, community centers can organize digital literacy classes and step-by-step guidance, and this allows people to engage in society.

Taking everything into account, social apps have multiple beneficial sides for all age groups, and many factors can encourage them to use phones and the internet.

Word Count: 207

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

internet: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on the benefits and methods of encouragement. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear argument and is generally well-organized. The introduction and conclusion provide a reasonable framework. However, the connection between some ideas could be strengthened with more explicit transitions. For example, in the second body paragraph, the link between family support and technology use could be more clearly articulated. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, appropriate for the task. Terms like 'globalization,' 'digital literacy,' and 'health-improving programs' are used effectively. However, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to elevate the language further. Pay attention to using synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the overall impression.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a good command of grammar with only minor errors. The sentence structures are varied, and the punctuation is generally accurate. To improve further, focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring precise word choices to avoid any ambiguity. Review and correct any instances of subject-verb agreement or article usage.

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