Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Obesity has been found to be a serious health hazard all over the world over the past few decades. What are the causes behind it? What steps can be taken to slow down this trend?

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Obesity has major health concern worldwide in recent decades. The problem has been mainly cause by unhealthy lifestyle. There are several solution to overcome this problem, in this essay will discuss further.

There are several reasons for this, the one of the main reason for this is unhealthy lifestyle people are eating fast-food on daily basis which can lead to major health issues, these food are often high in sugar, fat, and calories which can gain weight. Another reason for this, many people are lives sedentary life they do work from home which is impact on health. For example, people are spending much time on mobile phones, t.v rather than focusing on work-out and diet. Another contributing factor is lack of awareness about health concern.

To tackle this problem, there are plenty of solutions the first and foremost solution is both individuals and government must take responsibility for this. Firstly, pupils have to focus on their health and eating habits they have to follow proper diet plan and do exercise regularly. Secondly, fast-food is junk for our body so it is better to have home-made food. Furthermore, Government’s play vital role in this they should promote healthy lifestyle set a campaigns for this this will helps to decrease eating outsider food.

In conclusion, Obesity is serious issue caused by poor diet and lack of physical activity. it will effects on humans and lead to major health problems. If it not addressing it causes several problems in future.

Word Count: 247

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

health: 6

major: 3

problem: 3

lifestyle: 3

several: 3

people: 3

eating: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and relevant main ideas. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the suggested solutions. Also, ensure a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs and transitions. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but could be improved to better separate and develop distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or missing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the connection between the causes of obesity and the proposed solutions could be made more explicit. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use clear transition words and phrases to link ideas together.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there is some inaccuracy in word choice. The language used is quite basic and lacks sophistication. To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to health, diet, and lifestyle. Focus on learning synonyms and using more precise language to express your ideas. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that you are using words in their correct context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and problems with articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often simple and repetitive, limiting the overall impact of the writing. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practice constructing more complex sentences. Proofread carefully for errors and consider using online resources or a grammar checker to identify and correct mistakes.

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