Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. What causes obesity and how can it be solved?

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A lot of people struggle with overweight nowadays. It’s a problem that usually accurs in rich countries. I think that its major component is fast and junk foods and a solution would be about putting more limits to those types of food.

One of the most important part of our day that affects our health is meal time. Our diet directly corraletes to our bodys. The reason behind obesity is that in rich countries people can afford to eat more fast foods rather than choosing healthier options. Marketing also plays a major role in making processed food more known and accessible for everyone. People choose to eat unhealthy because its faster and cheaper than cooking homemade cuisine.

Because fast food is so popularized, it strongly affects people and their diets. A solution to this problem can be food restrictions. Fast food chains can notify their customers about contents in their food. For example how much fat and carbons in their burgers, fries, and drinks. Those changes will make people more aware about their food and might reduce obesity in general. Marketing different nutrition products that are healthier options can also help with those issues too. Not everyone nowadays understands how important it is to eat vegetables and fruits that are full of vitamins and nutrients.

In conclusion obesity can cause health problems and should be considered a major risk for people in rich countries. Ther are different ways to limit junk foods and make healthier options more popular among people.

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

their: 5

countries: 3

major: 3

foods: 3

about: 3

those: 3

obesity: 3

healthier: 3

options: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt (causes and solutions) and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, such as the affordability and accessibility of fast food, and the suggestion of nutritional labeling. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. To improve, you should aim to extend your arguments more deeply. For example, when discussing marketing, you could explain *how* it influences consumer behavior. When discussing solutions, you could expand on whether the responsibility lies with the government (through regulation/taxes) or the individual. Additionally, ensuring more precise vocabulary and varied sentence structures will help elevate the quality of the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is somewhat abrupt. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' 'In addition to this') to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Some transitions between ideas feel a bit mechanical, so focusing on the flow of logic will help the reader follow your argument more effortlessly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional and allows the reader to understand the main points, but it is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'fast food,' 'rich countries,' and 'people'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more sophisticated synonyms and collocations. For instance, instead of 'rich countries,' you could use 'developed nations' or 'affluent societies.' Instead of 'fast food,' consider 'highly processed foods' or 'convenience foods.' Be careful with word forms, such as 'correlates' and 'carbohydrates'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes throughout the text (e.g., 'accurs,' 'its' vs 'it's,' 'part' instead of 'parts,' 'corraletes,' 'bodys,' 'carbons,' 'ther'). While these errors do not prevent the reader from understanding the message, they are frequent enough to impact the overall quality. Focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and correct spelling. Additionally, try to incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., 'If governments were to implement...') or relative clauses, to demonstrate a wider grammatical range.

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