Opinion

Band 5+: People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Citizens believe that there is no need to pay tax to the state and should be able to keep whole amount they earn. I completely disagree with this view because hospitals system will collapse with this and the second most important thing is society, which is police department will also run out of budget and this will cause major issues.

To begin with, government hospitals will not be able to run without tax payers money because there are number of expenditures of hospitals that rely on taxes such as doctors salaries, electricity bills and medicines which people use. When hospitals will not be able to manage all these expenses then obviously state will have to close them and this will have detrimental affects on the society. As a result, when people will not be able to get medicine and treatment then they will die and this will damage the economy of the country as well. Therefore, Tax is a mandatory thing for all the paople.

Furthermore, police is also a government sector which is used for law and order and to keep the society safe from all dangers. The salary of police officers is paid by local people tax because they work for them and when people will not pay tax then government will not be able to manage their expenses on their own and they will have to close the department and with this act crime rates will dramatically increase. For example, in Nepal, people was denied to pay tax then shortly their country was collapsed and run out of budget.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with this statement because tax is of paramount importance need for not only hospitals but also for police departments. As these two sectors run montly on citizens taxes.

Word Count: 295

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hospitals: 5

people: 5

because: 4

police: 4

society: 3

which: 3

government: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but the supporting details could be more precise and developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential consequences of not paying taxes. Also, ensure that the connection between your examples and your main points is explicitly stated.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas could be clearer. The introduction and conclusion restate the prompt but lack sophistication. Transitions between paragraphs are present but could be smoother. Within paragraphs, the connections between sentences sometimes feel abrupt. To improve coherence, focus on using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one and contributes to the overall point of the paragraph. In the second paragraph, the phrase "with this act" is vague and lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence. Be more specific about the consequences of not paying taxes on crime rates.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies. There is repetition of words like 'tax,' 'hospitals,' and 'police.' To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate synonyms and more varied vocabulary related to government functions, public services, and economic impact. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'tax,' consider using terms like 'levies,' 'duties,' or 'government revenue.' Instead of 'hospitals', use 'healthcare facilities'. Also, the phrase 'paramount importance need' is redundant; choose either 'paramount importance' or 'essential need'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('hospitals system will collapse'), article usage ('the whole amount,' 'the police department'), and sentence structure (run montly). To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work, paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice constructing more complex sentences while ensuring they remain grammatically correct. Consider using a wider range of sentence structures to add variety to your writing. For example, combine simple sentences or use subordinate clauses to express more complex ideas. The sentence "As these two sectors run montly on citizens taxes" contains a spelling error ('montly' should be 'monthly') and awkward phrasing. Rephrase it for clarity and accuracy.

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