Opinion

Band 5+: Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes after they are released.

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In today’s world, the number of crimes has grown up. According to recent researches, the main justifications of commiting crimes by criminals are forced to abide by the law after they are released. This tendency poses a number of causes; however, a range of steps can be taken to counteract them such as providing rehabilitation programs and increasing the number of strict rules for criminals.

On the one hand, one major challenge seems to be having mental problems that are made after releasing. As of now, people experience or encounter arduous issues throughout their life which persuades them to do perilous things. Therefore, having mental problems induce to commit crime, especially to young offenders. Another main cause might be a glut of strict rules. In some countries, a dearth of intense manners is seemed noticeably which sets precarious consequences for a society and government.

On the other hand, as regards the potential steps, one mode would be extending rehabilitation programs for offenders. After serving several years in prison, criminals are able to need some steps that can diminish their stress in order to feel a wide range of good emotions. In every country, there are lots of places that can assist offender for that. A further serious aspect is rising lots of intense rules. One of the basic justifications why the number of crimes is increasing can be considered as lack of strict rules. Government have to be more cautious regarding dangerous crimes and take enough steps to handle with this issue.

In conclusion, nowadays, a number of crimes increase a lot after criminal are released, and there are some steps to struggle with the issue such as providing more rehabilitation programs and increasingly the number of intense regulations. I hope criminals will not be able to harm people after they are released because of the given effective ways.

Word Count: 309

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 6

crimes: 5

after: 5

steps: 5

rules: 4

criminals: 3

released: 3

rehabilitation: 3

programs: 3

strict: 3

intense: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes and suggesting solutions, but the development of these ideas is limited and often lacks clarity. While a position is present, the connection between the ideas and the prompt is sometimes obscured by imprecise vocabulary and logical gaps. For example, the argument that a 'glut of strict rules' is a cause of crime is contradictory to the later suggestion that a 'dearth of intense manners' (lack of strictness) is the problem. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Logical Cohesion**: Ensure that your causes and solutions are directly linked and logically sound. If you claim a lack of rules causes crime, do not suggest that too many rules are a cause in the same essay. 2. **Idea Development**: Instead of just stating a cause (e.g., mental problems), explain *how* or *why* this leads to re-offending after release. Use specific examples to illustrate your points. 3. **Vocabulary Precision**: Avoid using 'big' words if they do not fit the context (e.g., 'glut of strict rules' or 'intense manners'). Aim for academic precision, such as 'stringent legislation' or 'psychological instability'. 4. **Clarity of Argument**: Ensure the reader can easily follow the progression from the problem to the cause, and finally to the solution.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a standard structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to imprecise phrasing. While you use cohesive devices like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand,' the logical connection between your sentences is often weak. To improve, ensure that each sentence logically builds upon the previous one and that your topic sentences clearly define the focus of the paragraph. Avoid using transition words if the underlying logic of the argument is not clear.

Lexical Resource

You attempt to use a variety of vocabulary (e.g., 'arduous,' 'perilous,' 'dearth'), but many words are used incorrectly or in unnatural collocations. For example, 'the number of crimes has grown up' should be 'the crime rate has increased,' and 'intense manners' is not an appropriate way to describe legal regulations. There is also a tendency to repeat certain words. To improve, focus on learning word collocations (which words naturally go together) and ensure that the level of formality matches the academic nature of the task. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay that occasionally impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Government have to'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'increasingly the number'), and awkward sentence constructions (e.g., 'mental problems that are made after releasing'). While you attempt complex sentence structures, they often lack accuracy. I recommend practicing basic sentence structures and focusing on the correct use of gerunds and infinitives before attempting more complex grammatical forms.

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