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Band 4+: Research shows that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. What is the cause of this? What can be done?

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Research shows that some kinds of activities are useful for health while others are bad. Nevertheless, millions of people engage in unhealthy activities. In this essay I will discuss what is the main reason and possible solutions for that.

I believe that the main reason why millions of individuals are doing bad activities, is that humanity overall is lazy and does not want to achieve long-term targets. For instance, many teenagers inspite they know that smoking and drinking alcogol are providing health issues, doing that, because it is much easier receive pleasure right now than safe their health by some good activities in the future.

To solve this problem, the government and parents should provide an opportunity to organize special places and gyms where teenagers or ordinary people can spend time and do exercises for free. Regular activities are one of the best ways to minimize the risk of heart issues.

In conclusion, every type of activity we choose every day is solving what future we will have. If we will doing exercises and choose to improve our well-being, we won’t think about our health after 10 or 20 years.

Word Count: 190

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

activities: 5

health: 4

doing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by identifying a cause (laziness and preference for short-term pleasure) and a solution (free gyms and organized spaces). A clear position is presented. However, the supporting ideas lack depth and precision. The cause is somewhat simplistic and could be more fully explored. The solution is relevant but underdeveloped, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples or elaboration. Additionally, there are some lapses in clarity and focus, such as the vague reference to 'special places' and the conclusion's shift in focus. To improve, develop each main idea with more detailed reasoning or evidence, and ensure the conclusion directly summarizes the discussed points without introducing new ideas. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and a lack of smooth transitions. For example, the link between the cause (laziness) and the solution (free gyms) could be more clearly explained. The conclusion attempts to summarize but introduces a new idea ('we won't think about our health') which is not fully developed. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'as a result', 'consequently', 'furthermore') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that connects logically to the next.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but limited and sometimes imprecise. For instance, 'bad activities' is vague; 'unhealthy habits' or 'detrimental behaviors' would be more accurate. There are also errors like 'inspite' (should be 'in spite of' or 'despite') and 'alcogol' (should be 'alcohol'). The phrase 'receive pleasure right now' could be improved to 'seek immediate gratification'. To enhance lexical resource, aim for a wider range of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'sedentary lifestyle', 'addiction', 'public health initiatives') and use collocations naturally (e.g., 'engage in', 'pose health risks'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'doing that, because it is much easier' (run-on sentence), 'If we will doing exercises' (incorrect conditional structure; should be 'If we do exercises'), and 'safe their health' (should be 'save their health'). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. To improve, practice using a variety of sentence structures (simple, compound, complex) correctly. Pay attention to verb tenses, especially in conditional sentences, and proofread for common errors like spelling and word forms.

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