Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some people believe that young adults should be animated to do volunteer work in their free time. Others consider that they should use this time to juggle on their studies or careers.

From one perspective, young people learn how to communicate with various people. They also develop responsibility, work with team, and leadership qualities. Taking different experiences can help with future success. For instance, students who help to organize charity events can learn how to solve problems and work effectively with others.

From another perspective, young adults should use their free time for education because it will effect for their future. Good grades helps to enter to the a good university. Studying additional languages or professional languages can increase chance to find a well paid job. Young people have limited time as a result voluntarily can distract them from academic success.

In my viewpoint, for teenagers and young adults benefit to volunteer, but it unnecessary to devote all one’s free time to it. First, they should carry out educational responsibilities. However, they can use their remaining free time for volunteering.

In conclusion, both volunteering and focusing on studies have their own benefits. However, I believe that young people should devote more time to studies and not use their free time for volunteering.

Word Count: 212

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 7

young: 6

people: 5

should: 5

adults: 3

studies: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first paragraph on volunteering mentions general benefits but provides only one brief example. The second paragraph on studies is more developed but contains some unclear phrasing (e.g., 'it will effect for their future'). The conclusion is clear but slightly contradicts the body by suggesting that young people should not use their free time for volunteering, whereas the body says they can volunteer in remaining time. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more specific examples and explanations, and maintain consistency between the body and conclusion. Also, avoid informal or unclear expressions like 'juggle on' and 'animated'. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second is abrupt, and the conclusion could be more effectively linked to the arguments presented. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting details that logically follow.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are several inaccuracies and awkward choices that affect clarity. For instance, 'animated' should be 'encouraged', 'juggle on' should be 'focus on', and 'effect for' should be 'affect'. Additionally, phrases like 'work with team' and 'professional languages' are not natural. To improve, focus on using precise and idiomatic language, and avoid direct translations. Expand your vocabulary related to education and volunteering, and practice using words in context. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a number of grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('Good grades helps'), incorrect prepositions ('enter to the a good university'), and missing articles ('a well paid job'). There are also issues with sentence structure, such as 'it unnecessary to devote' (should be 'it is unnecessary'). To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially articles, prepositions, and verb forms. Practice writing more complex sentences with correct punctuation to demonstrate a wider range of structures.

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Band 4+: Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that young people should be encouraged to work or volunteer in their communities after finishing school, while others think this should be a personal choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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