Opinion

Band 6+: Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes when set free. Why do you think in this case? What can be done to solve the problem

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Scientists say that many criminals commit a crime again after they are discharged. This happens mainly because they do not have needed skills to get a normal job. However, this problem can be solved if the government will help them with education and job training so they can earn and live legally.

Regarding reasons, the main reason why prisoners commit crimes again is that they lack the skills for regular jobs. For example, a job in accountancy requires math skills, and being carpenter requires skills for working with wood. Because most prisoners have not learned these things, they can not find a job after releasing from prison. without a legal way to make money, it is very difficult for them to buy food and find a place to live. This forces them to turn to crime to make money just to survive.

To solve this problem, government support is needed to help former prisoners find suitable work. The government should open simple vocational courses to teach them practical trades. Through this programs, they can become educated and learn how to do a real job. Consequently, this help allow them to make money legally and helps them become good citizens who do not break the law.

In conclusion, people turn to crime again because they do not have the skills to get jobs. By opening training courses, the government can help them earn money honestly.

Word Count: 234

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

skills: 5

government: 4

money: 4

crime: 3

again: 3

because: 3

prisoners: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified a cause (lack of job skills) and provided a relevant solution (vocational training). A clear position is maintained throughout the response. To improve and reach a higher band, you should aim to expand on your ideas more deeply. For instance, in the first body paragraph, you could discuss the social stigma of having a criminal record, which is another major reason why ex-convicts struggle to find work. In the second body paragraph, you could elaborate on how these programs could be implemented (e.g., through partnerships with private companies) to provide a more sophisticated and well-developed argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing both parts of the prompt, and a conclusion. However, the progression between some sentences is a bit abrupt. To improve, use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition signals (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'As a result,' or 'In addition to this') to create a smoother flow between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and is generally accurate, but it is somewhat repetitive and basic (e.g., using 'make money' and 'get a job' multiple times). To reach a higher band, try to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and collocations. For instance, instead of 'make money,' you could use 'earn a livelihood' or 'generate income'; instead of 'get a job,' you could use 'secure employment' or 'enter the workforce.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that affect the overall polish of the essay. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'this help allow' should be 'this helps allow'), article usage (e.g., 'the government' vs 'government'), and sentence structure (e.g., 'without a legal way...' starting a sentence with a lowercase letter). Additionally, avoid using 'if' clauses with 'will' in conditional sentences (e.g., 'if the government will help' should be 'if the government helps'). Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring consistent accuracy in verb tenses and singular/plural nouns.

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