Opinion

Band 4+: Some argue that individuals should be responsible for maintaining health and diet, while others contend that governments should take measures to promote healthy diets among their citizens.

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Some believe that individuals should be responsible for their own healthcare, while others argue that government should provide consume healthy. Personal choices have big influence for health. Also government has a crucial role for keeping heath.

On the one hand, individual should be responsible for health because people have daily life decisions and regulate what they it. Supermarkets have a lot of beneficial such as cereal, fresh drinks and vegetables which may improve our body and cognitive skills. Also, vegetables and fruits can help digestion system. Furthermore, people can balance free sugar and less salt intake because sugar added products may cause to some diseases.

On the other hand, government can improve dwellers health. Government can reduce unhealthy products import such as fizzy drinks or snacks. If unhealthy product income will stop, people have no chance to buy them. In addition, politics can increase tax for fast food. As a result, fast food trade decrease significantly and it can lead to reduction of fast food stations. Government can built home made station instead of fast food stations. Moreover, the government should lower the price of healthy food, for example, in Uzbekistan, healthy food trade is more expensive because of some vegetables are not grown such as avocado.

To sum up, citizens and government are both responsible for individuals health care . In my opinion, if each of are responsible for their tasks this means that government reduce unhealthy products income, following by this people can bay more beneficial food.

Word Count: 249

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

government: 8

should: 4

responsible: 4

health: 4

people: 4

healthy: 3

because: 3

vegetables: 3

products: 3

unhealthy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a position, but the development is limited and lacks clarity in places. The main ideas are relevant but not fully extended or supported with specific examples. There are also issues with grammar and vocabulary that affect the overall coherence. To improve, focus on developing each point with more detail and clear examples, and ensure that the position is consistently maintained throughout. Additionally, work on sentence structure and word choice to enhance clarity and precision. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references (e.g., 'government should provide consume healthy'). The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate, making the text feel choppy. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'As a result') more consistently and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with smooth transitions between sentences.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to health and diet (e.g., 'cognitive skills', 'digestion system', 'fizzy drinks', 'fast food trade'). However, there are several word choice errors and awkward collocations (e.g., 'provide consume healthy', 'beneficial such as', 'built home made station', 'bay more beneficial food'). To improve, focus on using precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid direct translations from your native language. Expand your lexical range by learning common collocations (e.g., 'take responsibility for', 'make healthy choices', 'impose a tax on') and practice using them in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('individual should be responsible'), incorrect verb forms ('can built'), missing articles ('a crucial role'), and punctuation issues (missing commas, run-on sentences). There is also a lack of complex sentence structures, with most sentences being simple or compound. To improve, review basic grammar rules (e.g., subject-verb agreement, use of articles, verb tenses) and practice writing more complex sentences using subordinate clauses. Additionally, proofread your work to catch and correct errors before submission.

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