Discussion

Band 5+: Some believe that governments should subsidize traditional arts and cultural heritage to preserve national identity. Others argue that public funds should be focused exclusively on essential services like healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

The government has decided on providing subsidies for arts in many countries. However, many people seem to bolster the idea of it being a waste of public money, whereas some also argue that it should be essential. Everybody’s opinions are different and same with their preferences but personally, there are many pros and cons that balance the governments decisions.

For the pros, arts could be extremely useful for many people especially those who’s profession is bound to arts. Other than that, art museums could hold many prehistorical evidence that retells the stories of our ancestors. These types of arts could also help many embody and express their emotions into real life forms and spread awareness. This could also help us occasionally gain more creativity and inspiration, specifically after visiting these types of locations. Not only that, art is also a way to preserve peoples cultures so that it would not be forgotten.

The drawbacks of this decision may be, it will most definitely become a useless landmark for people who are not interested in arts. Many people nowadays don’t have time to explore such venues either, this could lead to the locations being abandoned which also leads to the mindset of these places ultimately being a waste of money.

In conclusion, everything mostly depends on personal preferences but I think that these art locations are still very important to preserve history to carry on stories of our ancestors and people should start learning to explore into more forms of arts as they will come to realize that arts could not always be a waste of money.

Word Count: 266

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

could: 6

people: 5

these: 4

being: 3

waste: 3

locations: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a position, but the development is limited and lacks clarity in places. The introduction is somewhat vague and does not clearly outline the discussion. The arguments for arts funding are relevant but not fully extended, and the counter-argument is underdeveloped. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be more decisive. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more specific examples and elaboration, and strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing pros and cons, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph could be smoother. The use of cohesive devices is basic, and some sentences feel disjointed. To improve, work on using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more logically, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic that is fully developed.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but limited in range and precision. Words like 'bolster' are used incorrectly (should be 'support' or 'hold'), and phrases such as 'extremely useful' and 'most definitely' are somewhat repetitive. There is some attempt at sophistication (e.g., 'prehistorical evidence', 'embody and express their emotions'), but overall the lexical choices are not very natural or varied. To improve, expand your vocabulary by reading more academic texts, and practice using synonyms and more precise terms. Avoid overusing simple adjectives and adverbs.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward constructions. For example, 'who's profession is bound to arts' should be 'whose profession is bound to the arts', and 'people should start learning to explore into more forms of arts' is ungrammatical. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Sentence structures are mostly simple or compound, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as correct relative pronouns and article usage, and practice writing more complex sentences with subordinate clauses.

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