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Band 4+: Some believe that pets should stay at home at all times, while others feel they should be allowed outside the home. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are different opinions about pets should stay at home at all time, and they allowed outside the home. From my perspective, pets should be allowed outside the home but under supervision.

On the one hand, some people believe that pets should stay at home during all day, because they can faces any dangers. For example, snake and other reptiles are main danger for pets in the nature. Pet’s owner should protect from these animals.Furthermore, when pets go to the park, they may follow other animals, such as dogs, cats or butterflies. As a result, they may lose their owners.That is why, some people dont take pets to outside.

On the other hand, some people think that pets should be allowed outside, such as park or boulvare, and so on. One of main reason, nature is animal’s home and they feel more happy and energetic than home. In addition, animals needs a large area for walking and using all energy. For example, we can see all home pets are more energetic when they walk on the grass.

In conclusion, walking outside is main activity for pets and they can feel better than staying at home at all time. Some people believe they stay at home bu I think enjoying environment and going outside is their need.

Word Count: 216

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 5

outside: 5

people: 4

allowed: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which meets the basic requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The arguments are supported with only simple examples and explanations. To improve, you should extend your ideas with more detailed reasoning and provide stronger support. Additionally, ensure that your position is consistently maintained throughout the essay and that your conclusion clearly restates your opinion. Work on clarifying your points and avoiding repetition. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear referencing. For example, the phrase 'That is why, some people dont take pets to outside' could be better linked to the previous sentence. Additionally, the conclusion introduces a new idea ('enjoying environment') that was not fully developed earlier. To improve, use cohesive devices more effectively and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic with smooth transitions between ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition (e.g., 'outside', 'home', 'pets'). There are also errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'faces any dangers' (should be 'face dangers') and 'boulvare' (likely 'boulevard'). To improve, expand your vocabulary to include more precise and varied terms, and pay attention to correct word forms and collocations. For instance, use 'potential risks' instead of 'dangers', and 'supervised outdoor time' instead of 'allowed outside'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('pets should stay' vs 'pets should stays'), incorrect verb forms ('they can faces' should be 'they can face'), and missing articles ('during all day' should be 'during the whole day'). There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas and periods. To improve, focus on basic sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Reviewing common grammar rules and practicing writing more complex sentences with accurate grammar will help raise your score.

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