Discussion

Band 5+: Some feel that the best way to ensure a happy home life for children is for parents to take a parenting course once a year. Others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion Write at least 250 words.

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From what feels like the beginning of time, there has always existed a debate on what the best way of ensuring a healthy at home relationship with children could be. People say that the best way of doing such is by pushing parents to take part in a parenting course once a year. However, I completely disagree with this belief as a single yearly course will not change already bad parenting effectively, nor efficiently. I believe that one of the best ways of ensuring a happy home life is by reducing the workload and work hours that parents need to do.

I think that the most crucial cause of a unhappy home life is neglected time at home caused by over working. Children needs a parent or guardian who is there both mentally and physically in their lives. Even so, some parents are unable to give them this attention due to the stress of work and late hour shifts. A example of this is seen in Japan, where so much parents ae so overworked which resulted in people to not have time for their children. This impacted Japan as now people who sees the problem resorted in not having children and as a result reduced the birth rate of the country. With less workload, parents would be able to dedicate more time into their child by being there and caring for them at all times. Furthermore, parents will feel less stressed and hence be in a better mood around their child which is a good way in reinforcing a positive home life.

The belief of a parenting course stems from the idea that parents who are confused on how to raise their child will be able to get the information needed to do so, but in this age the answer to that question could be answered via a simple google search. Moreover, A parental course could never make up for the time lost by parents in taking care of their children. There is no use in teaching parents how to raise their child if they have to time to do so anyways. good parenting is something that is needed to be applied on a daily basis and frankly a yearly course is not possibly able to remain with parents for long enough to trigger a change in routine for the better.

In conclusion, parenting courses is not a viable way to ensure a happy home life for children as it lacks the ability to cause permanent change and provision of time needed to care for child.

Word Count: 426

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

parents: 10

their: 7

children: 6

parenting: 5

course: 5

child: 5

there: 4

could: 3

people: 3

change: 3

needed: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly presented your opinion and discussed both the idea of parenting courses and an alternative perspective (work-life balance). Your position is consistent throughout the text. To improve, ensure that you more explicitly 'discuss both sides' by giving more weight to the potential benefits of the courses before refuting them. While you mentioned why people believe in courses, the argument for them felt slightly underdeveloped compared to your own argument. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, specifically subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'children needs' should be 'children need') and article usage (e.g., 'A example' should be 'An example'). Strengthening the logical connection between the 'Google search' point and the effectiveness of courses would also enhance the depth of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure, addressing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal opinion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used, but there are instances where the transition between sentences feels slightly abrupt. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence flows naturally into the next to create a more seamless argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the message, and there is an attempt to use more sophisticated phrasing (e.g., 'stems from the idea', 'viable way'). However, there are several errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'doing such', 'resorted in', 'provision of time'). There are also some repetitive uses of basic words. To reach a higher band, aim for more precise vocabulary and ensure that word combinations (collocations) sound natural to a native speaker. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. Specific issues include subject-verb agreement ('Children needs', 'parents ae', 'people who sees', 'parenting courses is'), article usage ('A example'), and awkward phrasing ('have to time to do so'). While the overall meaning is usually clear, these errors are noticeable. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and pluralization, to improve accuracy.

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