Opinion

Band 4+: Some people believe that a person's criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individulas believed that when person,s reach 18 their criminal record should be removed . In this essay I am going to discuss weither i agree or disagree with this statment .

Fristly , We need to understand that nobody was born criminal. They became criminal either by their house condition or mental issue . Personally I agree with that statment because when some child conduct crime most of the its because of mental issue or their house condition . What I mean by house condition is poverty . When someone donnot have enough money to feed their family they are probably going to stole someone house .

However , Some serious crime like rape and murder are sensetive topic . I think in this type of crime record shouldnot be removed cause they donot just conduct crime they destory someone dream , and family . By doing so when they got out of jail they are prohibited from government job and service also from studying abroad. Because of these law people started to fear . If just 1 percent of offenders stop conducting crime we are not just saving someone life . We are saving future doctor , engineer, police or so on .

In conculusion , we should devided crime into two groups that is serious and light crime . Light crime offenders data should be rmoved because they can change their life . They cn dream . what can we do is we should mandotary teach them in their jail time . In that way they can turn their life .

Word Count: 264

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crime: 8

their: 7

should: 4

house: 4

because: 4

someone: 4

criminal: 3

condition: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Also, ensure a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, and refine your language for better precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat discernible, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is frequently disrupted by grammatical errors and unclear phrasing. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often weak or absent, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Paragraphing needs improvement to better organize and present ideas logically. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences, providing supporting evidence, and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices like conjunctions and pronouns to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of simple words and phrases. There are also instances of inaccurate word choice and usage, which detract from the clarity of the writing. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic, including synonyms and more precise terms. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more natural and sophisticated. Review and correct any instances of inaccurate word usage. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. These errors significantly impede the reader's understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing. The range of grammatical structures used is also limited, with a reliance on simple sentence constructions. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review and correct errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Experiment with more complex sentence structures to add variety and sophistication to your writing.

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