Discussion

Band 5+: Some people believe that it is important to preserve traditional customs and lifestyles, while others argue that people should be free to adopt modern ways of living. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people argue that it is necessary to conserve the cultural tradition and customs related to religions, while others say that it should be modified to be adaptive with the world today. While cultural and religious traditions help to show cultural identity, I believe that some are outdated and should be changed.

On the one hand, preserving cultural traditions and religious customs means protecting our cultural identity and uniqueness. This is because those customs and traditions had been done throughout thousands of years by our ancestors which formed the colors and characteristics of people in that particular area. For example, in Vietnam, a well known long lasting tradition in every Tet holiday is visiting the pagodas, burning an incense, wishing for the best wishes for the New Year: healthiness, happiness, wealth.

On the other hand, it is believed that some customs are no longer suitable in the modern generation that should be changed. There are still some outdated customs and archaic beliefs that constraint people, even social development. A good example is The law abolished an obsolete tradition that discriminated against women. Child marriage is a regressive custom that needs to be abolished.

In conclusion, although keeping our traditions and customs helps to protect the cultural identity, it is necessary for us to change them to fit the modern lifestyles and global culture rather than always stick to old ways.

Word Count: 230

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

cultural: 6

customs: 6

traditions: 4

people: 3

tradition: 3

should: 3

identity: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that is maintained throughout the response. The ideas are relevant, and the use of specific examples (Tet holiday in Vietnam and child marriage) helps to support the arguments. However, to reach a higher band, the development of ideas could be more profound. For instance, in the second body paragraph, the connection between 'outdated customs' and 'social development' could be more explicitly explained to show the impact of these changes. Additionally, ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and expanding on the 'why' and 'how' of your arguments would provide the depth required for a higher score. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs representing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some transitions between sentences feel a bit abrupt. To improve, try using more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next to create a more seamless reading experience.

Lexical Resource

You have used some good topic-specific vocabulary such as 'cultural identity', 'outdated customs', and 'archaic beliefs'. However, there is some repetition of words like 'customs' and 'traditions'. To reach a higher band, aim to use a wider range of synonyms and more precise collocations. For instance, instead of 'done throughout thousands of years', you could use 'passed down through generations'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally hinder the clarity of your message. Issues include article usage (e.g., 'burning an incense' should be 'burning incense'), subject-verb agreement, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'wishing for the best wishes'). Additionally, some sentences are slightly fragmented or structurally awkward, such as the sentence regarding the law. Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that your use of articles and prepositions is consistent.

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