Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Law is a key piller of our society. Every type of rule and regulations introduced by local government to main the decorum of society. Punishment should be must for who breaks the law, it is depends on which type of crime happen. In this essay, which nature of crime should be punished with prison will be discussed.

Some people think no matter which type of lawbreaks, it is important that every type crime should be puniched by prison. People think it is necessary to main decorum society and safety of other people who lived in society. People have a reason for this type of statement. For example, people think if someone of community member breaks the law which introduce by local government for safety of society should be sent to prison if thats person not get prison and leave it without that it is risky for society safety. It is encourage them to breaks the law again because he is know after breaks the law nothing happened with them.

In contrast, other people think prison in not necessary for every time of crime. They beleive if crime happened by mistake or nature of crime not serious than simple fine or warning is enough. They think if every type of crime must should sent to prison then it create atmosphere of fear in our society, then every society member fearing from every type of daily works because thay did not know which type of their activities consider as a crime and authorities put them into prison if prison is must for every type of crime.

In my opinion, prison should not be must for every type of crime. Some time people did not know about minor crime or it was happened by mistake, thats why local government need to made clear instruction of crime for prison and then advertised the clear rule and ragulation in television, newspaper, and on internet. Furthermore, for minor crimes give only warning or fine to who did.

In conclusion, local government need to set criteria of crimes for prison. According to the rule and ragulation punishment will be decide. Everyone in society know about punishments of all type of crimes due to advertisement because mostly society member use internet, television or newspaper to check daily base governmemt announcements.

Word Count: 382

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crime: 11

prison: 11

society: 10

every: 8

people: 7

should: 6

which: 5

think: 5

local: 4

government: 4

breaks: 4

safety: 3

member: 3

because: 3

happened: 3

crimes: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views (prison for all lawbreakers vs. alternatives for minor crimes) and presents a clear position. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity and precision. The supporting examples are vague and not well extended, and there is some repetition. To improve, focus on providing more specific and well-developed examples for each view, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, and work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'In contrast' is used but not always followed by a clear contrasting point). Paragraphing is present but could be more skillfully managed to improve logical progression. To improve, focus on using a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'furthermore', 'moreover', 'on the other hand') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of words like 'crime', 'prison', and 'society'. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'piller', 'puniched', 'beleive', 'ragulation') and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'main the decorum' instead of 'maintain order', 'fearing from' instead of 'fearful of'). The lexical resource is not flexible or sophisticated enough for a higher band. To improve, expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations related to crime and punishment (e.g., 'offenders', 'penalties', 'rehabilitation', 'community service'), and practice using them in context. Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling mistakes. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and understanding. These include subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'Law is a key piller of our society. Every type of rule and regulations introduced...'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'it is depends', 'should must sent'), and missing articles or prepositions (e.g., 'main decorum society', 'for who breaks the law'). Sentence structures are mostly simple or repetitive, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and correct verb tenses. Practice writing a variety of sentence structures, including conditional sentences and relative clauses, and always proofread your work to catch errors.

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