Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People hold the different view about the thechnology which affects the crimes. While some argue that developing technology helps to reduce the number of crimes, others believe that it support to strengthen the crime considerably. personally, I agree with that it improves the various crime affectively in the world right now

Those who support why the technology play an important role to decline the crimes argue that most people create the website to dominate the kind of crimes strickly in their country such as USA, European Union, oceanian island and develloping asian country. Therefore they always try to verify that someone go in for crimes like robber, thief or murder in their website, After that, they deal with the punishment or penalty frequently. This is because it helps them to reduce the crimes by rescuing the peaceful families. for example the camera play an significant role to control the crime especially in the evening, therefore, it is understandable why many people believe that crime is avoided by the technology.

On the other hand, other contend that it is reasonable to produce the crimes. they point out that the hackers are developing dramatically in the days to occupy the individual’s personal data or password to try to steal their bank’s fund. It is very miserable circumstance to them, Although it accounted the type of crimes. For instance, most people abuse the goverment or president by social media or take the photos or videos in another people living the house without purposes. there fore, It outcome the punishment or sentencing the prison. This suggest that it affects the rising crimes.

In conclusion, while the technology try to minimize the crime by creating controlling website that has clear merits, I believe that the hackers play an important role to develop the crimes is more convinincing because they create the risk for the communication.

Word Count: 310

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crimes: 9

people: 5

crime: 5

technology: 3

believe: 3

website: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear personal opinion, which is a positive step. However, the development of ideas is limited and sometimes lacks logical clarity. For example, the idea of 'creating websites to dominate crimes' is confusingly phrased and difficult to follow. To improve, focus on developing your arguments more logically: instead of vague descriptions, explain *how* technology prevents crime (e.g., surveillance, forensic science) and *how* it enables crime (e.g., cybercrime, identity theft). Additionally, work on sentence structure and word choice to ensure your points are communicated precisely, as some phrasing currently obscures your meaning.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often difficult to follow due to logical gaps and awkward phrasing. For instance, the idea of 'creating websites to dominate crimes' is unclear and does not logically connect to the concept of crime prevention. To improve, focus on using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each sentence logically follows the previous one. Use cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', or 'Consequently') more accurately to guide the reader through your arguments.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is often inaccurate or used in an incorrect context, which obscures the intended meaning. For example, phrases like 'dominate the kind of crimes strickly' or 'it outcome the punishment' are not natural English expressions. There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'thechnology', 'develloping', 'convincing'). To improve, work on learning collocations (words that naturally go together) and aim to use more precise academic vocabulary. Instead of saying 'the hackers are developing dramatically', you might say 'cybercrime is increasing rapidly due to sophisticated hacking techniques'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'technology play', 'it support'), sentence structure, and word form. Many sentences are fragmented or poorly constructed, making it hard to understand the writer's point. For example, 'It is very miserable circumstance to them, Although it accounted the type of crimes' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. I recommend focusing on mastering basic sentence structures (Subject + Verb + Object) and practicing the use of complex sentences using subordinating conjunctions like 'because', 'although', and 'while' correctly.

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