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Band 5+: Some people think that computer games are good for children's development. Others think it is bad. discuss both views and give your opinion

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Playing computer games is always fun for children, It has both, positive as well as negative effects on children. In this essay, I will discuss its both effects. Playing games on computer has very fruitful implications on development of the child, but only if playing time is moderate.

There are many advantages of computer games. The biggest one is children can learn through games while being so relaxed. In this contemporary era, many games are built for children to play and learn which helps in development of children and their cognitive ability. For instance, ABCya and Funbrain games are designed for children from pre-KG to elemntary school. In these games, one can select the topic and type of the game like math, reading and pattern. My own younger sister uses funbrain platform in her leisure time. She plays games on computer as a hobby, but get to learn something in return. Games on computer makes children visualise the whole meaning behind the concepts and give a better understanding of educational contents.

On the other hand, playing games on computer also has awful effects on the development of children. Spending too much time on screen can make their eyesight worse. They can be addicted to games. Some pre-teens see violence in games and mimic it, as a result their behavior change physically. Personally I have seen the children that becomes aggressive while being addicted to games. For instance, one of my cousin’s son is 10 years old and he plays games all the day. He always want to win in games, if he did not get the desired scores he becomes frustrated and will be angry through out the day and break things. My cousin is very concerned about him and she is trying to control his screen time. Therefore, games on computer should be play in moderate time span. Parents should not allow their child to play on computer more than a few hours.

To encapsulate, although there is a common belief that playing on computer has bad effects on children. I personally think that it’s positive effects outweigh the negative effects on children development.

Word Count: 355

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

games: 16

children: 11

computer: 9

effects: 6

playing: 5

development: 4

their: 4

learn: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as educational games and personal anecdotes. However, there is a lack of precision in some supporting ideas, and the development could be more focused. For improvement, ensure that each paragraph fully explores the point with more specific details and avoid minor grammatical errors. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points more effectively.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of linking words. For example, the shift from advantages to disadvantages could be smoother with a phrase like 'On the other hand' (which is used, but the paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence). The conclusion could be more effectively tied back to the main points. To improve, use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in contrast', 'as a result') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some good vocabulary (e.g., 'contemporary era', 'cognitive ability', 'visualise', 'addicted', 'mimic') and attempts to vary word choice. However, there are several instances of repetition (e.g., 'games on computer', 'children') and some awkward or informal phrasing (e.g., 'fruitful implications', 'awful effects', 'through out the day'). Spelling errors like 'elemntary' and 'pre-KG' also detract. To improve, expand your range of synonyms and collocations, and proofread for spelling and word form errors. Consider using more precise terms like 'educational software' or 'digital games' instead of 'games on computer'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'It has both, positive as well as negative effects' (comma misuse), 'children can learn through games while being so relaxed' (vague), 'if he did not get the desired scores he becomes frustrated and will be angry through out the day' (tense inconsistency and spelling of 'throughout'), and 'games on computer should be play' (incorrect verb form). Punctuation is often missing or misused (e.g., missing commas after introductory phrases). To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and proper use of articles. Practice writing more complex sentences with accurate punctuation.

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