Opinion

Band 4+: Some people think that high-end technology can prevent and cut down the crime rate. Do you agree or disagree?

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Crime rate are soaring worldwide,it’s highlighted that with assist of technology innovation, society can reduce the amount of illigal activity.I fully disagree with this statment because with maintain of technology people can also create a more illigal activities such as haking and privace problem, with this victim people suffer from this.

One of the main issues is issue related by technology is haking. Criminals can steal moneys people through the online haking. It’s easy for criminals to hack banking system or even broke the card password and then transform this stolen money into their own account which caused victim people suffer from financial loses. Moreover, hakers can also use this digital innovation to prevent employers work such as set off thier gadjet which can affect to their performance. For instance, criminals can obtain companies information and then use this data in bad intentions which leads to lose trust of bosses or even employees may be retailed from work.

Another main problem that people concern is privace problem assosiated with criminal caused by technology. It’s is easy for them get information about possible victim, and then use this data to impersonate.Because bank do not need face to face contact, so criminals use this hight level technology to take loans under victims name. In addition use this innovation criminals can create fake photo or video where this people break the rules and they be punished or even criminals can post this false video on the social media therefore be hated by society.

In conclusion,its believed that technology can reduce criminals rate, however it can cause a serious problem, particularly financial loses and privace issues.

Word Count: 272

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

criminals: 7

technology: 6

people: 6

problem: 4

innovation: 3

haking: 3

privace: 3

victim: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position of disagreement. However, the development of ideas is limited and not always clear. The main points about hacking and privacy issues are relevant but lack sufficient development and support. There is some repetition and the language errors (e.g., 'crime rate are', 'illigal', 'haking', 'privace') sometimes impede clarity. To improve, focus on developing each idea more fully with specific examples and explanations, and ensure grammatical accuracy and appropriate vocabulary use. Additionally, consider acknowledging the potential of technology to reduce crime before refuting it, to show a more balanced discussion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and includes an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes difficult to follow due to frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'with this victim people suffer from this'). Cohesive devices are used but often inaccurately (e.g., 'Moreover', 'For instance', 'In addition'). Paragraphing is logical but could be improved with clearer topic sentences and more consistent use of referencing. To improve, focus on sentence clarity, use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the main ideas, but there are frequent errors in word choice, spelling, and collocation (e.g., 'haking' for 'hacking', 'privace' for 'privacy', 'moneys' for 'money', 'gadjet' for 'gadget'). Some less common words are attempted (e.g., 'impersonate', 'retailed' for 'retaliated'), but they are often used incorrectly. To improve, expand your range of vocabulary and pay closer attention to accurate spelling and appropriate word forms. Using more precise and natural expressions will enhance the overall quality.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Crime rate are'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'with maintain', 'can also create a more illigal activities'), article errors (e.g., 'a more illigal activities'), and preposition errors (e.g., 'suffer from this'). Punctuation is also inconsistent (e.g., missing spaces after commas, incorrect use of apostrophes). These errors significantly hinder understanding. To improve, focus on basic grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement, correct verb tenses, and proper use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading your work and practicing sentence construction will help raise your score.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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