Discussion

Band 6+: Some people think that spending time to build a successful career is the most important thing. others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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It is widely believed that spending time on the development of a successful career is the most valuable thing, while others think that spending time with relatives and friends is more beneficial. From my perspective, giving time to loved ones is essential but spending time on developing a professional career is more crucial.

Many people think that devoting time to develop a rewarding career is crucial because a successful career helps people accomplish their goals. Not only successful career will help in earning a large sum of money but it also enables people to achieve their ambitions. Furthermore, success in one’s career can also improve the family’s financial stability. For example, a person wants to become a cricketer, then he should devote time to cricket. If he becomes a cricketer, he will be able to achieve his dream. Consequently, his family will be proud of his success.

However, spending time with friends and family is also important. People need family support for a successful life because family members celebrate people’s successes and support them during difficult times. For instance, if a person fails an exam, he needs friends and family, those are people who will support him at that time. As a result, he can overcome this failure with the help of friends and family.

In my opinion, people should spend some leisure time with family and friends to relax but they should spend most of their time in professional life.

In conclusion, Although people should spend free time with their friends and family, they should devote more time to their careers because a successful career enables people to live their lives fully.

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 8

career: 7

family: 7

friends: 6

their: 6

successful: 5

should: 5

spending: 4

because: 3

support: 3

spend: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses both views and presents a clear position. The main parts of the prompt are covered, and the ideas are relevant. However, the supporting ideas could be more precise and developed. For example, the example of becoming a cricketer is somewhat simplistic and could be expanded to better illustrate the point. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the discussion more effectively. To improve, consider providing more specific and detailed examples, and ensure that each paragraph fully develops its main idea with clear reasoning and evidence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, and paragraphing is appropriate. However, some transitions could be smoother, and the link between the example of a cricketer and the main point could be more explicit. To improve, use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'on the one hand', 'in contrast') and ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate and generally appropriate, with some good phrases like 'devoting time', 'financial stability', and 'overcome this failure'. However, there is some repetition (e.g., 'spending time' used multiple times) and a lack of sophisticated or varied lexical choices. To enhance, incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary (e.g., 'prioritize', 'nurture relationships', 'professional advancement') and avoid overusing simple terms. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'Not only successful career will help' should be 'Not only will a successful career help', and 'those are people who will support him' is awkward. Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences lack clarity. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of conditional structures, and ensure complex sentences are grammatically sound. Proofreading for minor errors would also help.

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Band 6+: Some people think that spending time to build a successful career is the most important thing. others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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Some people think that spending time to build a successful career is the most important thing. others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending time to build a successful career is the most important thing. others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people think that spending time to build a successful career is the most important thing. others think that spending time with friends and family is more important. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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