Discussion

Band 5+: Some people think that young people should spend their free time doing useful activities like learning new skills or helping the community. Others believe that they should be free to relax and enjoy their leisure time as they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Some people argue that the youth should be encouraged to volunteer for community work in their leisure time. Others contend that youngsters should spend their free time on their hobbies and interests. I firmly believe that youngsters should spend their leisure time on personal activities.

Spending free time on society works can improve condition of poor-income community. In other words, providing older people with groceries or supplying families with many children with daily use necessaries. For example, “Qoldau team” is the most popular charity in Kazakhstan which helps the general populace improving their life quality. This charity also plays an important role in controlling psychical condition of older people with health insurance.

Spending leisure time on their interests and hobbies can contribute to understanding their career path. Especially when pupils are still in their youth years and have enough time for improving their personal skills of some interesting hobbies. It is the most suitable time for learning new things and try unexplored fields and develop it. Developing their skills in the field which they find interesting can lead to high-income salary. For instance, famous kazakh singer Dimash Kudaubergen spent all of his efforts and free time on his field. Those all efforts result in cultivating his employment growth. Therefore, finding and developing your hobbies is essential.

In conclusion, work on unpaid community work can be beneficial in some cases, but I firmly believe that enhancing your skills and spend free time on your personal interests is crucial.

Word Count: 247

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

hobbies: 4

people: 3

should: 3

community: 3

leisure: 3

spend: 3

interests: 3

personal: 3

skills: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, which is a strength. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The examples provided are relevant but not fully explained, and there is some repetition. To improve, focus on extending your arguments with more detailed reasoning and clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that your conclusion summarizes both views and your opinion more effectively. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary variety would also enhance the overall quality. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. The progression of ideas is sometimes unclear due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, the second sentence in the first body paragraph is a fragment and does not clearly connect to the main idea. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Those all efforts'). To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic, use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, and proofread to eliminate sentence fragments and unclear references.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inappropriate word choice and collocation errors (e.g., 'psychical condition' instead of 'physical condition', 'daily use necessaries' instead of 'daily necessities', 'high-income salary' instead of 'high income'). There is also repetition of words like 'spend' and 'free time'. To improve, expand your vocabulary and use more precise and natural expressions. Pay attention to collocations and avoid direct translation from your native language. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a number of grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. These include subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'Those all efforts result' should be 'All those efforts result'), incorrect use of articles (e.g., 'improve condition' should be 'improve the condition'), and sentence fragments (e.g., 'In other words, providing older people with groceries or supplying families with many children with daily use necessaries.'). There is also inconsistent use of punctuation. To improve, focus on basic grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences and proofread your work to correct errors.

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