Opinion

Band 4+: Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can get a job when leave prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Most lawbreakers have troubles with education which was verified by recent studies. This lead to believes of majority individuals that the best way to fight with crime’s increases and mitigate them is to give education for troublemakers in prison. I completely disagree with this point of view and explain it in this essay.

On the one hand, conditions of life and some factors like healthy relationships with parents, finance status play more significant role in forming criminals. Therefore, any problems in those sectors can lead to traumas and disappointments for life. For instance, well-known criminal Ted Bundy can be a bright example, he has been educated and really smart that everyone who once talked with him could say it. However, he was an illegitimate child who has been left by his parents, which is of more value.

On the other hand, most criminals would not change even if they will get the best education. Because they get used to prison life and live with its principles it brings more satisfaction and confidence when they decide just to continue, rather than change themselves for the opposite side. This is why recent research by Cambridge university showed that 73% of criminals repeat breaking laws even if they get more pleasant conditions to live.

Overall, studies depicted the absence of enough education among lawbreakers. Thus, people think that teaching them is the best way to decrease crimes and this statement has more disagreements.

Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

education: 4

criminals: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more fully developed. The Ted Bundy example, while relevant, could be explained more clearly to directly support the argument. The second point about criminals not changing even with education is relevant, but the reasoning could be expanded. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and more detailed support for your ideas. Also, ensure that your examples are directly and explicitly linked to your main points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's structure is somewhat discernible, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is frequently disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The connections between sentences and paragraphs need improvement to ensure a smoother and more logical progression of thought. The 'meow' section at the end is inappropriate and detracts from the essay's coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate ('fight with crime's increases'). There is a lack of precision in word choice, which affects the clarity of the arguments. Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using more precise and appropriate words would enhance the essay. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. These errors significantly impede understanding. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence construction to improve accuracy. For example, 'This lead to believes' should be 'This leads to the belief'.

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