Opinion

Band 4+: The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people of all ages use different gadgets.Many users use them to get in touch with people but the majority of time is spended for electronic games that provides entertainment.People always play different games to reduce stress and also for some reasons .The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in.However there many opinions for this problem some users agree but some of them disagree. This essay will discuss both opinions and give my own opinion.

Those who support this view argue that electronic games have a numberof advantages.Electronic games help people to get rid of stress after busy days.Some of them play to leave boring situations and spent their time more enjoyible.They also increase their dopamine. As a result, they be more happy during the day.Therefore many gamers like playing games for these reasons.

However, many people believe thet electronic games can be harmful for several reasons.People may addicted to playing various games.As a result, they may forget their study or work.It can be harmful for their health.One majority impact for their eyes and it can reduce their eyesight.They think the availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in.

In conclusion, in my view it is not very harmful if they spent less time to play games. As a result, they complete their tasks and works on time. If people manage their time properly , they can balance entertainment and responsibilities.

Word Count: 260

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

games: 9

their: 8

people: 5

electronic: 5

harmful: 5

playing: 4

entertainment: 3

result: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a discernible position, but the development of ideas is limited. The response follows a basic structure, but several areas require improvement to reach a higher band score. **Suggestions for improvement:** 1. **Task Response & Development:** The ideas presented are somewhat superficial. For example, mentioning that games 'increase dopamine' is a good start, but you should explain *how* this affects society or the individual in more depth. Avoid simply repeating the prompt's wording in your body paragraphs; instead, use your own words to expand on the consequences of gaming. 2. **Structure & Cohesion:** The introduction contains a lot of 'filler' sentences (e.g., 'However there many opinions for this problem...'). Instead of stating that you will discuss both sides, try to briefly outline your main arguments in the introduction to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader. 3. **Avoid Repetition:** The essay repeats the prompt's exact phrasing multiple times (e.g., 'the availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful...'). This does not add value to your argument. Work on paraphrasing the topic to show a wider range of vocabulary. 4. **Clarity of Argument:** Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic. The first body paragraph discusses advantages, while the second discusses disadvantages. To improve, ensure the connection between these points and the 'society' aspect mentioned in the prompt is more explicit.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure, but the progression of ideas is often interrupted by repetitive phrasing and a lack of smooth transitions. The introduction includes the prompt verbatim, which does not demonstrate your ability to paraphrase. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'Consequently') to link sentences and ideas more naturally. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence that guides the reader.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'harmful' and 'electronic games' multiple times). There are also several spelling and word formation errors, such as 'spended' instead of 'spent', 'enjoyible' instead of 'enjoyable', and 'thet' instead of 'that'. To reach a higher band, try to use synonyms and more sophisticated collocations. For example, instead of 'get rid of stress', you could use 'alleviate stress' or 'relieve tension'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'games that provides'), missing verbs (e.g., 'there many opinions', 'they be more happy'), and incorrect word forms (e.g., 'People may addicted'). You should practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences using subordinate clauses, and pay close attention to verb tenses and auxiliary verbs.

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Band 4+: The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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