Opinion

Band 5+: The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

The provided bar chart illustrates the changes in the percentage of individuals born in Australia and those born outside Australia residing in urban, rural, and town areas between 1995 and 2010.

Overall, it is evident that the highest proportion of individuals born outside Australia resided in urban areas in both 1995 and 2010, whereas the lowest percentage was found in towns in 1995 and in rural areas in 2010.

In 1995, 50% of Australian-born individuals lived in cities, a figure that increased to approximately 65% by 2010. Similarly, the percentage of individuals born outside Australia residing in urban areas saw a rise from 60% in 1995 to about 80% in 2010.

Conversely, the proportion of Australian-born individuals living in towns and rural areas decreased over the 15-year period to around 15% for both categories. Likewise, there was a significant decline in the percentage of individuals born outside Australia residing in town and rural areas.

Word Count: 154

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

individuals: 6

areas: 6

australia: 5

percentage: 4

outside: 4

rural: 4

residing: 3

urban: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively summarizes the main features of the bar chart and makes relevant comparisons between the different categories and time periods. The information is presented clearly and the main trends are well described. To improve, the essay could include specific data points from the chart to support the comparisons made. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized and easy to follow. The ideas are logically presented, and there is a good use of cohesive devices to connect the sentences and paragraphs. To enhance coherence, consider using more varied transition words and phrases to further improve the flow of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is varied and appropriate for the task. There is evidence of a wide range of vocabulary, and it is used accurately to describe the changes in the bar chart. To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specific and precise vocabulary related to demographic changes and urbanization.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, and there are few errors in grammar and punctuation. The sentences are generally well-constructed and effectively convey the intended meaning. To improve, pay attention to the accurate use of verb tenses and ensure consistency throughout the essay.

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