Opinion

Band 4+: The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart presents information about the average proportion of male smokers in seven nations and around the world for the years 2000 and 2015. Overall, there is a globally declining trend with the exception of Lebanese and Egyptian men, who used more tabacco with the progression of time.

In the year 2000, the column chart reaches a peak – around 2/3 of the male population was smoking. Similarly, in Bangladesh, around 62% were using tabacco products. The lowest percentage was in Australia with more than 1/4 of smoking men.

Later on in 2015, the highest proportion of male smokers is in Cuba, with more than half of the population. This number has not changed drasically between the years. There has been a big drop in Bangladesh and Mexico, with a bit less than 40% and 20%, respectively. Australia has remained the country with least amount of smokers among men with approximately 15%.

Word Count: 153

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

smokers: 3

around: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a good overview of the main features of the bar chart and makes relevant comparisons between the countries and the world average for the years 2000 and 2015. However, there are some inaccuracies in the description of the data, such as the statement about Lebanese and Egyptian men, which is not supported by the data. It would be better to focus on accurately reporting the information presented in the chart.
The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally well-organized and coherent. The information is presented in a logical sequence, and there is a clear progression from discussing the data for 2000 to 2015. However, there are some minor issues with cohesion, such as the transition between the discussion of different countries. Using more cohesive devices like linking words and phrases could further improve the coherence of the essay.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, and there is an attempt to use a variety of words and phrases to describe the data. However, there are some inaccuracies and imprecise language use, such as 'tabacco' instead of 'tobacco' and 'drasically' instead of 'drastically'. Additionally, more sophisticated and precise vocabulary could be used to describe the trends and comparisons in the data.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a fairly wide range of grammatical structures, and there is evidence of complex sentence structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'used more tabacco' instead of 'used more tobacco' and 'has not changed drasically' instead of 'has not changed drastically'. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and using a wider variety of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the essay.

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