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Band 5+: The media often focuses on negative news and events. What are the reasons for this focus? What effects does this have on individuals and society? Propose some solutions.

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Some people believe that placing too much emphasis on bad news is increasingly common in news coverage.

This is a consequence of negative news attracting attention.Placing too much emphasis on bad news not only increases anxiety and stress,but also reduces trust in society and institutions.

One main cause of the media focuses on bad news is increasing amount of attention.When people see a shocking news about crimes or accidents,people often feel more excited to watch or read news.This leads to the media companies will increase viewers and earn more money when they post up news on social media.For example,during the COVID-19 pandemic,a report about vaccin or disaster is likely recieves more viewer than a story about succesfully and this is easy to sensationalise negative stories by news companise.As a result,news organizations will attract people around the world and become more popular on social media and life.

A lot of people can seriously affect physical and mental health.It increases the risk of diseasers such as stress or anxiety,especially at a young age.For instance,when people read a bad news of the world,they often fell scared and worried about their life.This can also reduce trust in society and institutions on people because the world is becoming dangerous and unsafe for them.Therefore,people can find difficult to solve problem,leading to people being confused.In the long term,if people still read a shocking news or fake informations on social media,they will find problem about their health.

To conclude,although the media companies post up video or information on social media only attracting attention and make more profit,it can creates many problem health and people may stop trusting the news on media.

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

media: 6

about: 5

social: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing why news focuses on negative events and the impact on individuals and society. A position is presented, and main ideas are relevant. However, the development lacks clarity and precision, with some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect readability. To improve, focus on clearer topic sentences, more coherent paragraph structure, and more precise language. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph fully develops its main idea with specific examples and explanations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references. For example, the second paragraph shifts abruptly from discussing causes to giving an example without smooth transitions. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and phrases, and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logical progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'negative news', 'anxiety', 'stress', and 'trust'. However, there are frequent word choice errors and awkward collocations, e.g., 'increasing amount of attention', 'post up news', 'recieves more viewer', 'succesfully', 'news companise', 'diseasers', 'fell scared', 'find difficult to solve problem'. These errors reduce clarity and precision. To improve, expand your vocabulary and practice using words in correct contexts. Also, proofread to eliminate spelling mistakes. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect readability. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('the media focuses' should be 'the media focus' or 'the media's focus'), verb tense consistency, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'This leads to the media companies will increase viewers' is a fragment. Also, punctuation is often incorrect. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences correctly, and proofread carefully. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures with accuracy.

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