Opinion

Band 4+: The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. Do you agree or disagree

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In the modern era, there are lots of celebrities, and media pay too much attention to their private life. However they should spend their more time to inform about ordinary people instead of celebrities. I completely agree for this statement.

Firstly, paying attention to ordinary people can help to celebrities. Nonetheless, how can it help? At first, they feel more free themselves without media and paparazzi. And without media and paparazzi they are safer since when they go to somewhere, criminals do not know about that, therefore, they can not kill them or steal their money. For instance, in 2018, XXX Tentacion went to the shop for purchasing motorbike and media showed him. Then, when he stopped to the traffic light, gangsters killed him and stole his savings.

Secondly, when media pay attention to ordinary people, they show us more information about them and when government see this, they help people to improve their life condition. Then, on social media, foreign individuals see that how friendly they are. And after they know this , they may visit to this country. And their tourism develop day by day .

All in all, reporting ordinary people’s life is good for everyone that useful for celebrities and their health.

Word Count: 206

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

media: 6

their: 6

celebrities: 4

ordinary: 4

people: 4

attention: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

5.5

The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position on the topic. The ideas are relevant and somewhat developed, but could benefit from further elaboration and examples to fully support the argument. Additionally, some points could be more logically connected to strengthen the overall argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are some coherence and cohesion issues. The flow of ideas could be improved by better structuring the paragraphs and ensuring smoother transitions between sentences. Additionally, some sentences are repetitive and could be rephrased for better clarity.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but some words are used incorrectly or inappropriately. More sophisticated and precise vocabulary could enhance the essay. Additionally, some expressions are awkward and could be improved for a more natural flow of language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

While there is an effort to use a variety of sentence structures, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay. Punctuation and sentence structure could be improved for better clarity and accuracy. Proofreading for grammar and punctuation errors is recommended.

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