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Band 5+: The natural resources such as oil, forests and freshwater are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does this cause? How can we solve these problems?

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In contemporary society, it is widely argued that natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. This can lead to severe environmental problems and shortage of vital resources in the future. However, these issues can be addressed through the use of renewable energy and stricter government regulations.

One major problem, oil, forests and fresh water are being used faster than they can naturally be replaced. If people continue to use oil, fresh water and forests excessively, these resources may become scarce in the future. Not only these resources using faster, but also some resources are limited, this can lead to shortages, which can negatively affect agriculture and people’s daily lifestyle. For example, excessive use of groundwater can cause water scarcity. Also it leads to serious environmental problems such as global warming and climate change and also rivers and lakes can dry up. Cutting down too many trees can destroy the natural habitats of animals, while this can also reduce biodiversity and damage ecosystems.

There are several possible solutions to these problems. Firstly, government should invest in environmentally friendly sources of energy, such as solar and wind power. This would reduce people’s dependence on oil and other limited resources. In addition, people can use public transport or electric vehicle and energy-efficient appliances. Therefore, government should introduce strict laws against illegal logging and excessive water consumption. People should be planted more trees to replace forests that have been destroyed, it would be useful for whole of society member and also animals. Ultimately, people should be educated about the importance of protecting natural resources and encourage to reduce unnecessary consumption.

In conclusion, although the excessive use of natural resources can result in resource shortage and serious environmental problems. However, these issues can be reduced by promoting renewable energy sources, introducing stricter regulations, eco-friendly and also raising public awareness.

Word Count: 313

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

resources: 8

water: 5

these: 5

natural: 4

forests: 4

problems: 4

people: 4

should: 4

fresh: 3

environmental: 3

energy: 3

government: 3

excessive: 3

reduce: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying problems (resource scarcity, environmental damage) and proposing solutions (renewable energy, regulations, reforestation, education). A clear position is maintained throughout. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and focused. For instance, the problems paragraph mixes several issues without deep explanation, and the solutions paragraph lists measures without fully elaborating on how they would be implemented or their potential impact. To improve, aim for more specific examples and a more logical flow between ideas. Also, pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (problems and solutions), and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a few unclear references. For example, the first body paragraph lists problems without a clear topic sentence, and the second body paragraph jumps between solutions without smooth linking. To improve, use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'In addition', 'Moreover') more consistently. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that sentences within paragraphs are logically connected.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'alarming rate', 'renewable energy', 'biodiversity', 'ecosystems'), which is appropriate. However, there are some repetitive phrases (e.g., 'excessive use', 'limited resources') and a few awkward word choices (e.g., 'people should be planted more trees' should be 'people should plant more trees'). To improve, try to use more precise and varied vocabulary, and avoid repetition. Also, pay attention to collocations (e.g., 'introduce stricter regulations' is fine, but 'eco-friendly' is used as a noun incorrectly). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a number of grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, 'Not only these resources using faster' is incorrect; it should be 'Not only are these resources being used faster'. Also, 'Also it leads to serious environmental problems' is a run-on sentence; it should be 'This also leads to...'. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'government should invest' should be 'governments should invest' or 'the government should invest'), and some sentences are incomplete (e.g., 'In conclusion, although...' is a fragment). To improve, focus on sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and using correct verb forms. Proofreading for these errors would significantly enhance the grammatical accuracy.

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