Discussion

Band 6+: There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

It is undeniable that the increasing crime rate is one of the most challenging issues at present. Many people claim that the death penalty should be imposed for serious crimes, whereas others believe that effective measures such as education and rehabilitation are better options to reduce criminal activities.

On the one hand, strict punishments are demanded for offenders due to the severity of crime. In other words, murder and rape are unforgiveable offences; thus, execution is seen as the best punishment for them. The reason behind this claim is the trauma of victims’ families and social instability caused by them. Consequently, if capital punishment is imposed, it will deter the criminals from committing any crimes. For example, some nations such as Saudi Arabia have imposed death penalty for most of offences; therefore, the crime rate has reduced significantly in the country.

On the other hand, others advocate that there are multiple ways to tackle this challenge. According to them, education is a valuable tool to mitigate illegal incidents. To clarify, it can provide the insight for being responsible citizens and encourage the population to obey laws. Moreover, rehabilitation centers can also bring a prominent change to current situation. Simply put, psychological assistance can help the existing offenders change their mindset; hence, they will avoid committing further crimes.

Word Count: 217

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

crime: 3

imposed: 3

crimes: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the death penalty and alternative measures. A clear position is presented, and the main ideas are relevant. However, there could be more focus and precision in supporting ideas. For example, the connection between education and reduced crime could be further elaborated. Additionally, the example of Saudi Arabia could be strengthened with more specific data or context. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with specific examples and explanations. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear argument and is generally well-organized. The ideas are logically connected, and the paragraphing is effective. However, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, in the second paragraph, elaborating further on the link between the trauma of victims' families and social instability could strengthen the argument. Similarly, in the third paragraph, providing a more specific example of how education fosters responsible citizenship would improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, and the word choices are generally appropriate. Terms like 'undeniable,' 'severity,' 'unforgivable,' 'deter,' 'mitigate,' and 'rehabilitation' are used effectively. However, there's room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the essay further. For example, instead of 'bring a prominent change,' consider using a more nuanced phrase like 'effect a significant transformation.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are only a few minor errors, and they do not impede understanding. To improve further, pay attention to more complex sentence constructions and ensure consistent accuracy in subject-verb agreement and article usage. For example, reviewing the use of articles (a, an, the) throughout the essay could identify areas for refinement.

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