Opinion

Band 4+: What is more important for success: hard work or intelligence and curiosity?

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Nowadays, many people think that hard work is more important for success. This topic is very relevant today. While the first type of people think that key to success it is a hard way which taking life power, other think that successful people have to be curious and intelligent. Different people have different opinions but almost everyone agrees that this topic is actual and important today. That is why I think that it is a good idea to discuss it.

From my perspective, successful people is really made hard work, however for everyone their success transformation from hard way to fortune or family connections. Often people think that a successful person does not go to him goals independence, and this deterioration self-volume.

On the one hand, one people think that hard work is more important for success. When we talk about another part of us – stronger, smarter, better – we are forget about important things. Not always when a person is hard worker he goes to him dreams and goals. For example, several workers who working days and nights in the closest future does not go to their goals. It happened because they do not have something qualities, and this factor lead them to deterioration of sutuation.

On the other hand, other people think that hard work – it does not lead case, and they suppose that special conditions for success it is intelligent, curious and fortune. They are right, in my opinion, because pointless working never ever does not lead person to realisation of unbelievable dreams about famous, money and others. For instance, Michael Jackson was born in a poor family but when he grew up he became a most popular singer in the world. Hard work and intelligent lead him to success.

To sum up, for success is important several things. Both of the examples illustrate that qualities give opportunity for self-realisation in success context but only concretic quality without others may lead to negative consequences and make way to success impossibility.

Word Count: 335

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 8

success: 8

think: 7

important: 5

other: 3

successful: 3

intelligent: 3

person: 3

goals: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both hard work and intelligence/curiosity, and it presents a position. However, the development is often unclear and lacks precision. The introduction is repetitive and does not clearly state the writer's view. The main ideas are limited and not sufficiently supported with clear examples or logical reasoning. There are issues with coherence and grammar that affect clarity. To improve, focus on clearly stating your position in the introduction, developing each idea with specific examples and explanations, and ensuring your arguments are logically connected. Also, proofread to reduce grammatical errors and improve sentence structure.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is often disrupted by unclear references and abrupt transitions. The introduction sets up the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs present contrasting views, but the arguments are not well-developed and the connection between ideas is sometimes lost. The conclusion attempts to summarize but introduces new ideas (e.g., 'concretic quality') without clear explanation. To improve, use clear topic sentences, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use cohesive devices (e.g., 'however', 'therefore', 'in addition') to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at more sophisticated words (e.g., 'deterioration', 'self-realization') but often used incorrectly or inappropriately. There are frequent word choice errors (e.g., 'actual' instead of 'relevant', 'concretic' instead of 'specific', 'sutuation' instead of 'situation') and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'key to success it is a hard way which taking life power'). To improve, expand your vocabulary for common IELTS topics, practice using words in context, and avoid direct translation from your native language. Use more precise and natural expressions, and ensure that word forms are correct (e.g., 'intelligent' vs. 'intelligence'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'successful people is', 'one people think'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'does not go to him goals', 'working days and nights'), and missing or incorrect articles (e.g., 'a hard way', 'the key to success'). There are also issues with sentence structure, such as run-ons and fragments. While some complex structures are attempted, they are often incorrect. To improve, review basic grammar rules (tenses, subject-verb agreement, articles), practice writing clear and correct sentences, and proofread your work to catch and correct errors. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures accurately.

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