Discussion

Band 5+: With the rise of digital currencies, some think that cash should be phased out completely to reduce crime and boost economic efficiency. Others contend that this would exclude vulnerable groups and erode personal privacy. Discuss both perspectives and present your own view.

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Technological advancements have impacted in every aspect of our scoiety immensly. Actions that people thought only ideas during earlier times have realized with this evolution. Digital currencies is one of the great achievementof this phase which is now converting our transactions more efficient.With this pace it will make cash extinct in a shorter period than we expect. Already some of the major cities like Seoul has become cashless in almsot all of their activities. This supports to boost the economy with transparency which affects the financial crimes which lead to many unpleasent consequences in past.

However this transition has its own disdvantages as well. Although scoiety as a whole scaled up to have access to these improved versions of techn ology there are still a bottom layer which is not et sufficienlty equipped to face these new challenges effectively. These vulnerable groups may be left behind the race, resulting a greater threat for their survival. Those who are benfitted with the new form of digital life also in danger with the possibility of losing their personal privacy due to numerous breaches that these digital systems facing on daily basis.

Lookling at the both the sides, my honest view point is that we should move along with the change without letting the very same change not to negatively affect the society as a whole. Security measures should be strenghten to assure the data is held securely and also a proper scheme to be developed to safeguard the poverty line people to step up the ladder to enjoy the benefits of such advance technologies.

Word Count: 262

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

which: 4

these: 4

digital: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both perspectives and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks specific support. The introduction is somewhat off-topic and contains errors. To improve, focus on directly addressing the prompt, provide more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint, and ensure your own view is fully developed and supported. Also, proofread for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both perspectives, and a conclusion with the writer's view. However, the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear pronoun references (e.g., 'This supports to boost the economy...'). The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate, making the argument harder to follow. To improve, use clearer topic sentences, ensure each paragraph has a single main idea, and employ a range of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast') to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource

The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary (e.g., 'phased out', 'vulnerable groups', 'personal privacy', 'transparency'), but there are frequent errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'impacted in every aspect', 'great achievementof', 'converting our transactions more efficient'). Spelling errors (e.g., 'scoiety', 'immensly', 'disdvantages', 'strenghten') and informal phrasing (e.g., 'bottom layer') reduce the lexical quality. To improve, focus on using precise and natural vocabulary, proofread for spelling, and use more sophisticated terms (e.g., 'marginalized populations', 'data security' instead of 'held securely').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity, including subject-verb agreement ('Digital currencies is'), incorrect verb forms ('has impacted in'), missing articles ('a shorter period'), and punctuation issues (missing commas, run-on sentences). There is some attempt at complex structures, but they are often flawed (e.g., 'without letting the very same change not to negatively affect'). To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing complex sentences with correct subordination, and proofread carefully. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures accurately to enhance readability.

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