Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 5+: Writing Task 2 It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many believe that taking risks is important in professional and personal life of people. In my opinion advantage of that point outweigh the drawbacks in taking risks.

‎‎On the one hand, taking risks lead stress and anxiety in choosing pathways. Because risks are vague and it is obvious that normal human will panic in choosing anything, especially if it is career. For example, recent studies in South Korea shows that 60% of Korean residents who are constantly stressed are under 18 and they struggle with taking risks and choosing pathways. However, I believe that the disadvantages in taking risks do not outweigh the disadvantages.

‎‎On the other hand, I strongly believe that the advantages exceed the disadvantages, because taking risks gives opportunity to being fearless in choosing pathway or starting new business. Humans tend to have more experience in having choices and they will able to have make choices easier than ever. For instance, famous actress Emma Watson tell in the podcast that she never struggles with making choices because she had to take risks many times in the past. Taking risks makes human stronger and educate them to be more fearless. Therefore, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in taking risks.

‎‎To conclude, because of the reason having no fear to make choices, the advantages in taking risks outweigh the disadvantages despite the fact it causes to stress and anxiety in people.

Word Count: 232

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

taking: 9

risks: 9

outweigh: 4

choosing: 4

because: 4

disadvantages: 4

choices: 4

believe: 3

advantages: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The main ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. The examples provided are somewhat general. To improve, try to provide more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. Also, ensure a balanced discussion by elaborating further on the disadvantages before contrasting them with the advantages. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's coherence is affected by unclear connections between ideas and a somewhat repetitive structure. To improve, focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more smoothly. Vary your sentence structure and avoid repeating the same phrases. Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes uniquely to the overall argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally adequate but could be more precise and varied. To enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate more specific vocabulary related to risk-taking and decision-making. Explore synonyms for words you use frequently, such as 'risks' and 'choices,' to add depth to your writing. Pay attention to collocations to ensure your word choices sound natural. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that impact clarity. Focus on improving your understanding and application of basic grammar rules, including subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense usage. Practice constructing more complex sentences while ensuring they remain grammatically accurate. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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