Cause And Solution

Band 5+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Numerous university students these days are experiencing work and study at the same time. I do believe that the reasons of this are the miserable financial situation that most of students are living in, and the accumulation of diffrent responsabilites on them. Also, to overcome this paradox i suggest to learners to find suituble jobs to combine between studies and work, and goverments have to provide more scholarships for these students.

Firstly, the main reason that push learners to work while studying is their awful financial situation, because most of them have become recently adult they don’t really know how to manage their uses of money. In addition, most of them at this age are confronting the stand of diffrent responsabilites .So, thechenically they find themselves always under pressure and stress.For instance, The American society reports has shown recently that 80% of university students are working while studying which made them become depressed and getting a lot of psychological issues

To overcome this propaganda. Officials have to look for these poor students and take this case seriously by studying it and provide for them scholarships, so they can focus more with their studies and become in a better mentsl health. For example, in the country of italy scholarships are not only for elite students, it also for broken ones, that’s why most of them are living in hapiness, peace, and passing their educational semestre succesfully. In addition, learners have to manage their situation and deal with their responsability wisely by finding job-student that helps them to combine between university and making money. For enstance, they can work in shifts at their free time or on the summer and keep their funds for winter while studying.

In conclusion, this essay has dived into the real reasons of lack time for education and constantly feeling under pressure for working students, and has suggested logical solutions for this.

Word Count: 315

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

students: 6

university: 3

these: 3

situation: 3

learners: 3

scholarships: 3

while: 3

studying: 3

become: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (financial struggles and increased responsibilities) and suggesting solutions (government scholarships and flexible student jobs). A position is present throughout the response. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For example, the connection between 'not knowing how to manage money' and the 'need to work' could be more logically explained, and the use of the word 'propaganda' in the second body paragraph is incorrect in this context, which affects the precision of the argument. To improve, focus on extending your ideas with more logical reasoning rather than relying on broad examples. Ensure that the vocabulary used is precise and appropriate for the context (e.g., using 'issue' or 'problem' instead of 'propaganda'). Additionally, try to develop the 'causes' section more thoroughly by explaining *why* these responsibilities lead to a lack of time, rather than just stating that they exist.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by improper word choices and punctuation errors. For example, the use of the word 'propaganda' in the second body paragraph is incorrect in this context and disrupts the flow of the argument. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore' or 'Consequently') more naturally and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus that transitions smoothly to the next.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but frequent errors in spelling (e.g., 'diffrent', 'responsabilites', 'suituble', 'mentsl', 'enstance', 'semestre') and word choice (e.g., 'broken ones' instead of 'underprivileged students', 'thechenically' instead of 'technically') significantly impact the quality. To reach a higher band, you should focus on accuracy in spelling and ensure that the words you choose fit the formal academic tone required for IELTS. Avoid using overly dramatic words like 'miserable' or 'awful' unless they are highly appropriate for the context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical issues that occasionally make it difficult to follow the meaning. There are errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'reason that push'), sentence structure (e.g., 'because most of them have become recently adult they don't really know...'), and preposition usage. There are also issues with run-on sentences and improper capitalization. I recommend practicing complex sentence structures and reviewing basic grammar rules, such as how to connect independent clauses using conjunctions or relative pronouns, to ensure your ideas are expressed clearly.

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