Discussion

Band 7+: Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. other people believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction and a permanent job is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many people believe that job satisfaction plays an important role in living more than job security, while others think differently. This essay will discuss why feeling satisfying in working can affect motivation but why job security can provide stability in life.

Job security can provide stability in personal life and finances. A permanent job might ensure a regular income and having fixed working hours. This can help people plan their monthly expenses and it is convenient for them to make plans, so they can manage their work-life balance. In addition, stable employment reduces their stress from searching for a new job, which leads them to maintain mental well-being. For example, an office employee who has been working in the same place for several years mentioned that he feels familiar with his co-workers and he can plan a holiday trip for his child. As a result, job security can provide a stable routine.

On the other hand, job satisfaction directly affects an individual’s motivation and mental health. Individuals feel alive and motivated when doing things that they love, so they can generate numerous creative ideas. This can make them produce higher-quality results. Moreover, it can protect their mental health and long-term burnout. For example, a famous psychologist in Thailand has reported that 70% of her patients are suffering from working in unpleasant jobs even though all of them earn high salaries. As a result, job satisfaction can reduce mental health problems.

In conclusion, this essay discussed that job security can provide stability in an individual’s life but job satisfaction can motivate their life. In my opinion, job satisfaction plays an important role in people’s lives.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

satisfaction: 5

security: 5

their: 5

working: 4

provide: 4

mental: 4

stability: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing both views on job satisfaction and job security and providing a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples. There could be a bit more depth in exploring the nuances of each perspective, but overall, it's a well-organized and coherent response. To improve, consider adding more specific details or exploring potential counterarguments to further strengthen your points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, and the use of examples helps to illustrate the points. However, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother in some places to enhance the overall flow. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to express the main ideas. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication and precision of word choice. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'stability,' explore synonyms like 'security,' 'predictability,' or 'reliability' depending on the context. Also, try to incorporate more idiomatic expressions or collocations to elevate the language. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. While the grammar is generally accurate, there are a few instances where errors or awkward phrasing occur. Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence construction. Reviewing and editing the essay carefully can help eliminate these errors and improve clarity.

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