Discussion

Band 5+: Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries has positive effects. Others say it would lead to the loss of national identities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The world today is more connected than ever before. Some people thinks that this is a good thing for every countries, but others are worry that we are losing what makes us different. This essay will look at both sides of the issue

The main reason why people supports globalization is because it help the economy. When big companies works in different countries, they bring money and new technology. This creates more jobs for local people and make the life better. Also, we can learn about other cultures very fast. Now, we can eat sushi in Brazil or listen to K-pop in Italy, which make people more curious about the world.

However, there is a big concern that national identities is disappearing. Because of global brands like McDonald’s or Starbucks, many cities around the world is starting to look exactly the same. Young people often prefers to watch American movies or wear Western clothes instead of following their own traditions. If this continue, local languages and old customs might be forgotten forever by the next generation.

To conclude, while there is a risk that cultures will mix too much, the exchange of ideas and business bring people together. We just need to find a balance between being a global citizen and keeping our own roots.

Word Count: 215

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

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Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting both sides of the argument and offering a clear opinion. The ideas are relevant, but some points lack detailed support and development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the potential consequences of cultural homogenization and the benefits of globalization. Also, ensure consistent grammatical accuracy and sentence structure throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. For example, in the second paragraph, elaborating on how new technology improves lives would strengthen the connection. In the third paragraph, providing specific examples of how local languages are being affected would enhance the argument's coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, but there's room for improvement in terms of sophistication and precision. For instance, instead of saying 'help the economy,' you could use phrases like 'stimulate economic growth' or 'foster economic development.' Similarly, 'make the life better' could be rephrased as 'improve the standard of living' or 'enhance the quality of life.' Incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary will elevate the essay's lexical quality. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. For example, 'Some people thinks' should be 'Some people think,' and 'national identities is disappearing' should be 'national identities are disappearing.' Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage. Reviewing basic grammar rules and proofreading carefully will help reduce these errors. Also, vary your sentence structures more to enhance the flow and sophistication of your writing.

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